I'm Too Sexy For This Shirt

I love to people watch. The world is full of so many colorful characters and I need to see them all. How else can I find blogging material? I've got to be nosy observant to bring you the funny, don't I?

I am very aware of my surroundings and usually never miss much. I can hold a conversation and still witness, though not happily, an old man inappropriately adjusting himself at Walmart. I never miss any drama, which means I will see you flip off your significant other, whilst you are sporting that cheesy smile.

I also never fail to spot the freaks more interesting folk in the crowd. You know, like the bat-shit crazy lady that talks to herself and answers herself back. And the Fred Flintstone look alike that browses the local mall in a dress and heels. How about the frazzled mom with the half eaten ear?

Oh wait, that's my reflection. Strike that.

The most amusing part of watching others, I find, is eyeing their outfits. I seriously wonder if some own a mirror.

Last weekend Mr. Schmitty and I went to two concerts; Carrie Underwood on Saturday and Daughtry on Sunday.

Two different types of music = two different types of people = a whole lotta strange.

The concerts were being held at a nearby festival. Before they began, we walked through the rows of food vendors and t-shirt mongers. We were thoroughly enjoying our grown-up weekend out. As we strolled hand in hand, we entertained ourselves by pointing out the various ensembles the patrons were donning.

And we were laughing our butts off.

There was the shirtless, rail-thin boy who looked like he needed a belt to hold up the jeans that seem to be sliding down his boxers. Oh wait, maybe that was a fashion statement.

There was the did-you-spray-paint-those-jeans-on biker chick who needed a little more fabric added to her top before she fell out of it.

There was the 10 foot giant that must have grown during the opening act's performance because his jeans were about a foot too short and his shirt about three sizes too tight. Maybe he stole the rail-thin boy's shirt. Hey, and maybe they swapped jeans too.

That would explain a lot.

The music was about to start and we found our seats. We wiped away the tears of laughter and I said, "Thank GOD we're so perfect!"

Well, at least I am.

What Being Married 15 Years Feels Like

We are pathetic. Mr. Schmitty and I are pathetic with a capital P.

P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C.

Yesterday my MIL and SIL came over to babysit T. and R. while W. was in school. T. asked why they were coming to babysit and told them that I was going out with my boyfriend on a date. He grinned and said, "That's daddy, right?" Then he ran off and told Mr. Schmitty that he had to open my car door for me on our date. He also asked if I was going to wear my wedding dress.

No sweet child, mama couldn't get that thing on even if she used a crowbar.

So off we went on our little date. Mr. Schmitty did indeed hold every door for me. The dear. We decided to have some lunch so we went to a diner that we love. We sat in a booth and for once had all the elbow room we needed. Aaahhh, the glory! No crayons, no booster seats, no kid's menus! We ordered from the adult menus and then we looked at each other.

Crickets, birds chirping, silence.

We laughed.

Our waitress brought our lunch and then we proceeded to scarf down our food. After almost 10 years of eating with children you get into the habit of inhaling your food. You just never know when you'll have to yell for the check.

Okay, so that used up about 45 minutes. Now what? Where to go? What to do? We had nuthin'.

We resorted to our old schtick of, "Whatcha wanna do?" for a few minutes.

That wasted another 5 minutes.

"Blah, this sucks, you know?" I said.

"We could go to a motel!" Mr. Schmitty replied.

"We could take a NAP!" we chimed in together as we burst out laughing.

So we did what any old married couple does. We went shopping for shoes for Mr. Schmitty. He bought a really nice pair of work boots. It's his birthday today so when he pulled out his credit card I patted him on the back and shouted, "Happy Birthday!!"

I'm telling, you we are just SUCH the romantic couple!

The kid at the register took the credit card. He then said to Mr. Schmitty, "Nice boots, plan on going hiking?"

My husband and I looked at each other and raised our eyebrows. Apparently this kid didn't realize how old and out of shape we are.

"Ummmm....no, not really."

The kid raised his eyebrows as if to say, "Then why the hell are you buying hiking boots!"

I just about split a gut.

He handed Mr. Schmitty his credit card and the bag and said, "Enjoy your kicks."

WTF?

I think Mr. Schmitty should have said, "You bet!" And then he should have done this:

Yes, I'm Still Alive!

Wow, it's been almost a week since I last posted. Where did the week go? Did you miss me? I've been a bad, bad blogger. I'm out of whack now that school has started and not quite into a routine yet. But I'm getting there.

Mr. Schmitty and I went to our overnight wedding getaway on Saturday! It was a much needed break. It was the first time we have ever been away from the kids overnight - together. It was AWESOME! We were gone 23 hours!!

The wedding was very nice. The bride and groom looked gorgeous. Everything went smoothly and looked perfect. The hour long ceremony ended at 3:45 pm. The reception wasn't beginning until 6. We were starving. I was so afraid my stomach was going to growl during the wedding vows, I was that hungry. We stopped for a quick bite with our friends/neighbors because we knew we wouldn't make it until the cocktail hour.

It was a good thing we did because the Hors D'ouvres were very upscale. I'm a picky eater and with Mr. Schmitty's celiac...well, there wasn't much for us. The neighborhood (the 'hood) guests kept wondering when the pigs in a blanket, pizza bites, and mozzarella sticks were going to be served. Hey, we're easy, none of this fancy smancy stuff for us!

A great time was had by all at the reception. There was a 10 piece band that was amazing. Everyone danced the whole night. They even went an extra hour. I had a ball dancing with my two female friends, while the guys hung out by the bar, making fun of us, I'm sure. I haven't danced like that in a very long time and I paid for it the next day. I think I may need a hip replaced.

We woke up the next morning and joined the remaining guests for a buffet breakfast. MMMMMMMMMMMM....the food was delicious!

By 10:30 am we were actually missing the kids. We drove the hour or so back and we were greeted by W. and R. running out the door screaming, "MOMMY! DADDY!" It was the best. Though T., the middle, sensitive child, was mad at us. He wouldn't speak to me for about an hour. It must have finally hit him because he hadn't been upset up until that point. Unless, of course, he was pissed that we were home. Hhhhmmmm...I think I may be hurt, come to think of it.

So, there it is, my day of glory in a nutshell. I'm glad to be home.

Dating Again

Yes, that's right, I'm dating again. I told R. this morning that I was going out with my boyfriend today. I told her she needed to be a good girl for grandma while I'm gone.

"Where are you going mama?"

"I'm going out on a date with my boyfriend."

"Where?"

"We are going to see the new Harry Potter movie."

"Are you going to have popcorn?"

"Of course."

She stops and thinks for a minute.

"Your boyfriend is going on a date too?"

"Yes with me. Should I kiss him?"

"Yes! On the lips!"

I giggle.

"Where's daddy? Is he working?" she asks very matter-of-factly.

"Silly girl, he's my boyfriend!"

I know, I know, one of these days I'll pay when the kids make me go on Jerry Springer.