Thursday, May 10, 2007

I'm 40, I Can't Call It Baby Fat

I found this post by Justice Fergie (boy, I've been talking a lot about YOU this week! LOL) at Mama Law. I'm a few days behind, but it's never too late to start getting healthy.

Tales From The Scales is hosting a May Day Weight Loss Challenge. I know I'm tired of looking the way I do. I am more tired of not being able to keep up with my kids. I'm 40, which isn't that the new 30? So why do I feel 60? Is anyone else feeling my pain? If so why don't you join me? We can lean on each other and what do we have to lose, but weight?

So, here goes, my story.

I was always thin, my whole life. As a typical teenaged girl, I thought I was fat. I think I weighed a whole whopping 108 pounds at 5'4". I hated my body. I thought my boobs were too big, I was a size C cup, which Mr. Schmitty tells me was a guy's dream and a girl's envy. I thought my butt was huge, too much junk in my trunk. I now look at pictures and say I would have flaunted both body parts if I knew what I do now, never mind hiding them under loose, long t-shirts. Hey, if J. Lo's behind is so great, I should have thought mine was da bomb!

I got married to Mr. Schmitty when I was 25. I weighed 118 pounds on my wedding day. We tried having babies right away. I wanted to be a young mom. It wasn't going to happen. We began to see fertility doctors. After 5 years of being poked and prodded and taking a ton of fertility drugs I finally got pregnant with W. at age 30. I was ecstatic and also a LOT heavier. The 5 years of hormones had packed on the weight, that, and all of the extra eating I was doing because of the stress of the endless roller coaster ride. That's what I do, I eat for comfort.

Half way through my pregnancy I was told I had gestational diabetes. I needed to go on a strict diabetic diet and I also needed to give myself insulin injections. I was feeling like quite the pincushion. I only gained 18 pounds during the pregnancy because while I was gaining baby weight the diet was making me lose my own weight. I was thinner after having W. than before I got pregnant!

W. was born with a heart defect. We had no idea until the day after he was born. We were rushed to a Children's Hospital that day. He had open heart surgery when he was only 5 days old. I was a complete and total wreck. After all I went through to conceive him, I was petrified of losing him. It took me a long time to bond with him in the beginning, I was afraid. I needed comfort, I turned back to the food.

Once I was sure W. was okay, we tried for baby #2. We had our scare, but he was great and we wanted to have another baby right away. We learned how precious life was and we wanted to fill our lives with more children. Again, I had problems conceiving. Actually, things seemed harder the second time and I needed to see a fertility doctor that specialized in Invitro Fertilization. This meant stronger drugs, more drugs, and more weight gain. After the first cycle, I became pregnant with T. I had gone through 4 1/2 more years of the roller coaster ride. I was told once again that I had gestational diabetes, only 5 baby pounds were added. Once T. was born I discovered I was 20 pounds lighter than before I was pregnant! Whoo-Hoo!

About 2 1/2 months after T. was born my clothes started feeling tighter. I was really behaving with my eating habits, how could this be happening? I just had a strange feeling, intuition, I guess. No way, it couldn't be. Four EPT's later it finally sank in, I WAS PREGNANT! Surprise, surprise, surprise. And it was my girl!! The diabetes came back and I gained 16 pounds.

I was thinner but this time I didn't feel good about anything. I went through major post-partum. The doctor said it was probably due to the back-to-back pregnancies. I went on prozac, more weight gain. I was beginning to see a pattern with my body's reaction to medications. I stayed on the meds until I realized that the weight gain was definitely defeating the purpose. I was getting more depressed because I was gaining weight and fast. The doctor showed no sympathy. He told me to, "Just eat right and exercise and you'll be fine." Okay, so easy, wanna babysit while I go for a salad and a jog? Needless to say, I have a new doctor. I weaned myself off of the prozac and my weight stayed where it was.

Last summer, by my gynecologist, I was diagnosed with PCOS, which made sense with my history of infertility, gestational diabetes, and weight problems that began in my twenties. My old fertility doctor put me on Metformin which is suppose to help with the weight issues, it made me practically a vegetable. I didn't want to do ANYTHING. I practically laid on the couch for 6 weeks, not good with 3 kids. The doctor kept telling me that I was having bad side effects and that I should eventually feel better. I didn't, I stopped the meds. I would live with the weight.

In December I began having stomach and anxiety problems. The stomach problems have made me change my eating habits. I stopped eating at night after dinner, a big downfall of mine, and I started drinking more water. I can't eat as much during a meal, because honestly, if I do, I will be in serious pain. What a great weight-loss program I have discovered! 14 pounds lighter, I am!

The stomach is okay most days. I have found that it acts up about a week prior to my period. The doctor says that hormones, ah, yes, those damn hormones, add to my discomfort. So now, I have gotten on the right track, I want to keep going.

I hope you all didn't fall asleep during this post. I usually don't make them this long. I did however, just find typing this today, very therapeutic. Sorry if I sounded, all woe-is-me. I didn't mean to, I just couldn't control my fingers on the keyboard.

I have just weighed myself. I know where I'm starting. Let's see how well I do!


Jen said...

Sometimes it feels good just to write it all down. It's like a big emotional release. Best of luck with the weight loss!

Zephra said...

Going to check out the weight loss challenge right now. ((hugs))

Maria said...

Yes. Writing it down is very good for you. Seeing it in writing can double the feeling.

I'm pretty careful of my weight but only because I have to be. I have type 1 diabetes, so I can pretty much tell you the exact number of carbs in everything.

But, like you, I have my comfort foods. (Mine is more salt than sugar, though...I would rather eat potato chips than cookies any day.)

You strike me as the sort of person who can succeed at this because you seem to be pretty good at self control. Just a stray opinion, I do realize that I don't really KNOW you...but somehow, I have lots of faith in you. Anyone who can go through those fertility treatments has to have a lot of willpower and stick-to-it-ness.

lyn said...

Hi everyone, I hope this post will be relevant in a general way to the topic being discussed. It appears that supplemental vitamin D and calcium may have a normalizing effect on your cycle, and could improve chances of conceiving. In a study at Columbia University, 7 of 13 women were able to normalize their cycle within 2 months. You can see more details about this at the Natural Solutions for PCOS website