Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Not Always What It's Cracked Up To Be

I'm probably going to catch a lot of flack for this post. I'm thinking I might hit a nerve with some of the moms that just, "luuuuuurve being a mom alllllll the time".

To them I say, "Bullshit".

This gig ain't always sunshine and smiles. Actually, a lot of the time, it can be quite the opposite. It's a fucking, hard-ass job; the hardest job I've ever had, that's for sure. And this job never even came with any instruction manuals. The "What To Expect..." series, my ever-loving ass. Write a book and title it, "You Have No Idea What The Hell You Are In For". For God's Sake, even when I was a lowly bank teller I got two weeks training. And the pay? Well, that sucks too.

I love my children with all of my being. I'd die for them, without hesitation. But sometimes? I do not like them, Sam I am.

Sometimes, when I've had a truly horrible day, much like today, I think, "How would life be right now for Mr. Schmitty and I if we hadn't been able to have children?"

Hey YOU over there, I heard you gasp. Knock it off, you aren't going to tell me that the thought hasn't crossed your mind a time or two dozen.

I imagine that I would probably still have that great, toned body. I wouldn't be so stressed and tired all of the time. I'd have a whole lot more money. I could travel with my husband. I'd be driving a sports car.

I.WOULDN'T.BE.DRIVING.A.MINIVAN!!


I wouldn't be putting up with demands, whining, or tantrums. I wouldn't be wiping butts, cleaning up boogers on the walls, or washing loads of vomited on sheets at 2 am. I wouldn't be baking cupcakes, buying poster board, or helping to cram for a test, late into the night, because I was just told it was due tomorrow.

Yes, these are all things I've thought about. And for a brief moment, it does sound like paradise. It also sounds like a lonely existence because I'd be missing out on cuddles, smooches, and "Mommy, I Love Yous". I wouldn't hear belly laughs or squeals of delight. I wouldn't see looks of wonderment, awe, and curiosity.

I wouldn't have my babies.

So, yeah, I do take my mental vacations on occasion. And if they don't work...well, there's always wine.

14 comments:

Melessa said...

Amen!

Megryansmom said...

sometimes it takes A LOT of wine!

kristi said...

Yes, yes , yes!! I hate it when people look at me crazy because I occasionally "lose my shit" because my kids are driving me crazy!

Bee and Rose said...

I love your book title! lol! I completely agree! Hardest job I've ever had!

Laura said...

Right on Sista!!!!!!!!!!

Yep! You said it!

Lisa in NJ said...

I'm with you 100%, I do think of the same thing from time to time. Then I see my sleeping child all angel like and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Jill said...

This is a great post! I think every mom feels this way, and I'm with you about the people who claim they don't. B-S! Thanks for writing this!!

Day Dreamer said...

Mental note...pick up wine on the way home.....

:)

Mommy Cracked said...

I just thought I loved you, but now I'm convinced! Preach on, my sistah in parenthood!!

Zephra said...

I took a mental vacation the other day. It was great. We all need them from time to time.

BTW where did you get that picture? That is just perfect for my template.

Mrs4444 said...

I know your pain. We always had a rule: You are upstairs at 7pm. Lights out at 8pm. I have "clocked out." You're on your own from here.

Just had nothing left in me when the kids were younger. Now, they stay up later than we do, but I still have a rule; You are upstairs at 10pm; I don't care what day of the week it is. (Surprisingly, it works.)

The Fritz Facts said...

Rock on! Perfectly said!

Mrs.Chattypants said...

Would you like some of my Long Island Ice Tea? I think it will make you feel better. Maybe three would be a good start. :) I'm just sayin'.
I do believe you covered all the thoughts racing through my head. And if you need help writing that book, I will co-author it with you. Oh, and the follow-up title should be How to rescue the one, lone braincell and make it viable again. Yeah. Go on sista, tell it like it really is!

Trenches of Mommyhood said...

ABSOLUTELY!