I'm probably going to catch a lot of flack for this post. I'm thinking I might hit a nerve with some of the moms that just, "luuuuuurve being a mom alllllll the time".To them I say, "Bullshit".
This gig ain't always sunshine and smiles. Actually, a lot of the time, it can be quite the opposite. It's a fucking, hard-ass job; the hardest job I've ever had, that's for sure. And this job never even came with any instruction manuals. The "What To Expect..." series, my ever-loving ass. Write a book and title it, "You Have No Idea What The Hell You Are In For". For God's Sake, even when I was a lowly bank teller I got two weeks training. And the pay? Well, that sucks too.
I love my children with all of my being. I'd die for them, without hesitation. But sometimes? I do not like them, Sam I am.
Sometimes, when I've had a truly horrible day, much like today, I think, "How would life be right now for Mr. Schmitty and I if we hadn't been able to have children?"
Hey YOU over there, I heard you gasp. Knock it off, you aren't going to tell me that the thought hasn't crossed your mind a time or two dozen.
I imagine that I would probably still have that great, toned body. I wouldn't be so stressed and tired all of the time. I'd have a whole lot more money. I could travel with my husband. I'd be driving a sports car.
I.WOULDN'T.BE.DRIVING.A.MINIVAN!!
I wouldn't be putting up with demands, whining, or tantrums. I wouldn't be wiping butts, cleaning up boogers on the walls, or washing loads of vomited on sheets at 2 am. I wouldn't be baking cupcakes, buying poster board, or helping to cram for a test, late into the night, because I was just told it was due tomorrow.
Yes, these are all things I've thought about. And for a brief moment, it does sound like paradise. It also sounds like a lonely existence because I'd be missing out on cuddles, smooches, and "Mommy, I Love Yous". I wouldn't hear belly laughs or squeals of delight. I wouldn't see looks of wonderment, awe, and curiosity.
I wouldn't have my babies.
So, yeah, I do take my mental vacations on occasion. And if they don't work...well, there's always wine.
