Two nights ago, W. asked what SEX was. Flat.out.asked. *cringe*
Last year when I had this close call, and then when my niece almost started the ball rolling, and then when I really thought the "talk" was inevitable, I swore Mr. Schmitty was going to have to have a sit down and soon.
Nothing ever transpired. It was swept under the rug because W. dropped the subject. But really, we chickened out.
He's starting middle school in three weeks. I don't think we can ignore a point blank question. I quickly sent a text to Mr. Schmitty, "The time has come."
He told me he would talk to W. in the morning. Good idea. Yea, YOU talk to him. In the morning.
I slept in the next morning, or at least I pretended to, and when I got up Mr. Schmitty pulled me aside. He informed me that he had talked to W.
"How did it go? Did he have any questions?" I was very curious to know how my baby had reacted.
"It went fine. He didn't have any questions, but I told him that if he should think of some, I was here to answer them. Mr. Schmitty seemed quite proud of his parenting.
I raised an eyebrow. "So, exactly what did you say?"
I'm not going to type verbatim the conversation, however, I will tell you this; My son will NEVER EVER HAVE SEX. Not when he is a hormonal teen. Not even if his guys turn blue. Not even when he gets married. He won't touch his wife, except maybe for a handshake. Even then he may need antibacterial lotion.
I know we have to warn our children about disease. I know unprotected sex can kill. However, when that's the only part of sex you relay to your son, well, let's just say he might as well join a Monastery today. Oh wait, that won't work.
I asked Mr. Schmitty if he explained that sex is something grown-ups, who LOVE.EACH.OTHER, do. Did he explain that sex can make a baby? Or did he just make sure that our son would go screaming from the first girl who wants to hold his hand?
"I am going to the book store. YOU need a book."
Last night my best friend and I went to Barnes and Noble. We began seeking out sex education books. She looked in the Child Care section, while I searched the Children's section.
Eureka! I hit the mother lode. I grabbed more than a half dozen or so books and went to find my friend.
"Wow, let's check them out and see what will work best."
We started flipping through the pages. No, too scientific. Next. No, this one is more about girls. Next.
"Hee Hee. Look this cartoon has a boner."
"Snort. This one is masturbating."
"I AM NOT showing that one to W. He'll go blind when he discovers that."
"Or get hairy palms."
I looked up at the camera in the ceiling.
"You do know that security is thinking we are complete juveniles. What are we twelve? OH MY GOD THIS SAYS SCROTUM!!"
"I think I just peed myself!"