Friday, January 07, 2011

Resolutions, Smezolutions

So, how many of you have given in and made a New Year's Resolution? Or better yet, we are 7 days into 2011, how many of you have KEPT those resolutions so far?

How many have not?

See, I decided this year there will be no positive resolutions; no commitment to a Mrs. Schmitty overhaul. I'm simply not going to make any promises that I can't keep.

In other words, there will be no writing checks my ass can't cash.

Year after year I gear up for the new me to emerge. I will lose weight, I will get in shape, I will be more healthy, I will save more money, I will pay down more debt, I will organize this house, I will spend more time with family and friends, I will take more time for myself, I will, I will, I will.

"HA!" I say.

Each and every one of those resolutions? EPIC FAIL.

Why kid myself when usually the opposite of what I say I will do actually happens? Why set myself up for a fall that is clearly inevitable?

That's too depressing, right?

Instead, I believe a little reverse psychology is in order. I have officially resolved myself as being a giant flop. I'm gonna be a lazy, unhealthy, broke-ass, disheveled, antisocial, fatigued and overburdened slob.

Mark my words, if I put that to the test, I will be sitting quite pretty by December. Just you wait, I'm going to be King of the World!

Either that, or homeless and living in a cardboard box by myself. At least, I'll get some me time.

3 comments:

meleah rebeccah said...

I've resolved NOT to make any resolutions! Happy New Year, my friend!

kim mccafferty said...

I'm with you on this one, although my alternative resolution is "take nobody's crap in 2011". Has a nice ring to it...

SAHM: Surviving Assorted Home Mayhem said...

Very true and very funny! I can totally relate.