Wednesday, July 22, 2009

I'm Not In Chicago and I Couldn't Be Happier

I was slightly bummed....okay, I whined and cried like a little bitch last year that I was missing out on the BlogHer conference.

I crossed my heart and hoped to die that I'd attend this year.

When I finally was confronted with the fact that I am a grown up, I was forced to realize that I have responsibilities. It's either feed my kids or go to a partyfest Blogger conference. So I did what any mature woman would do....I tried to pimp myself out to the first willing john reputable company.

I doubt Jessica Rabbit would have had any problems. Pfft.

So, as I told the women of Room704, who will be placing this button in their maga-catalog-zine, it is with heavy heart that I must say, I will NOT be attending BlogHer '09. Because.....


I thought I'd be flying with Liz and sharing a vomit bag. We Jersey girls gotta stick together, you know.

I thought I'd be handing out my own Moo cards and hi-fiving with my own Poken instead of begging the wonderful Sam to tote my shit around.

I thought I'd be drinking with Jill and wearing Kotex with Karly as we anticipate the arrival of Leslie.

I thought I'd be making Cheeseburger Hats!

But the powers that be were on my side.

"What? What?!" you say. YES! You read correctly, I am happy not to be showing up at this party, that party, and especially THE party!

I am absolutely THRILLED that I won't be meeting her. Or bumping into her. And I'm ecstatic that I won't be hiding out in the bathroom with her.

And do you know why?


THIS MONSTER OF A FUCKING ZIT IS WHY!!!!


That S.O.B. would be making it's own grand entrance into the Sheraton. Hey, that's given me an idea. Do you think Proactiv might sponsor my trip next year?

Move ovah Jessica Simpson!

11 comments:

Krystal said...

HOLLY COW...

You should not even leave the house with the second head growing out of your chin!!!

I want to go to blogher too =( (very very sad face)

Maybe next year?

Hey, if we start pimping now.... Oh the possibilities!

But then I have my little rug rats and cat to worry about.

Don't you have that same problem?

For now we dream!

Laura said...

I so wanted to go as well. I have the same reasons (save, not a zit, but a cold sore and the added bonus of driving across country with my whole fam damily!)

Next year!

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

I'm not going either. I'm outta vacation time at work, we've got to pay taxes this year (@&%*#@) and I guess I could have pimped my blog wares hard enough to get a sponsor but I thought eh....whatever!

I love your button. You iz hawt! (OK the zit is a little frightening but I've had that monster ones myself.)

Liz@thisfullhouse said...

Don't worry, my friend. I will be sure to puke in your honor. You can thank me later. In the meantime, will be missing you BIG TIME :) Trying really hard not to stare at your monster zit, meh, not so much.

The Fritz Facts said...

I wish I could have gone, but hubby said it was the house or blogher...he looked at me funny when I hesitated...lol

Patois said...

First, you best spell the product name correctly, yeah?

So sorry you don't get to go. I guess it's always better to feed the kids.

That said, let's get you a sponsor for next year!!

Christy Croll said...

Doesn't it just seem unfair that we should still get zits at 40...life is so perverse somehow. LOL

I have been catching up on your latest blog posts and laughing my ass off....truly how fun you are. :)

Baloney said...

Sorry you don't get to go. Slap some toothpaste on that zit already - geesh!

Lisa (Jonnysmommy) said...

I'm not there either and I'm happy too..not because I have a zit, but because I'm just not "a cool kid." :-( It's in New York next year...only about five hours from my place, so I think I might check it out....maybe I'll be "cool" by then.

Lisa (Jonnysmommy) said...

Wait...we can get sponsors for these things?

Maybe I could get that Anti-Monkey Butt Powder company to sponsor me.

Or Skoal. Or Overalls are Us....eh, whatever.

Leslie said...

I was there. I was sporting a zit at the corner of my mouth the whole time. "Hello, my name is Leslie and I do NOT have herpes."

I missed you and hope to hang with you next year!! NYC, baby!!!