Tuesday, September 30, 2008

If You Give A Child A Bar Of Soap

  • If you give a child a bar of soap, they'll probably want to take a bath.
  • When they get into the tub, they'll want to play with some toys.
  • While playing with their toys, they will splash so much, the entire floor will get soaked. You'll need to get a towel.
  • When the child sees the towel, they will start screaming that they are cold, and want to get out of the tub.
  • After you dry them off with the towel, you use it to mop up the floor.
  • Mopping up the floor, reminds the child of the milk they spilled earlier, they will ask for more.
  • When they get their glass of milk, they'll probably want some cereal.
  • When you give them their cereal, like clockwork, their oldest sibling will appear.
  • That sibling will probably want their own bowl of cereal, which prompts you to ask the third child, if they would like one too.
  • The third child will probably say no, and after you put everything away, will suddenly change their mind.
  • As you put the new pile of dishes in the sink, it will remind you, the children need to brush their teeth.
  • After brushing their teeth, they will probably be thirsty for sugary apple juice.
  • More apple juice will remind you to make them pee again, so you are not changing sheets in the middle of the night.
  • Sheets remind you, that you need to change the toilet paper roll, because boys are so much like their father.
  • The toilet paper will probably make the middle child have to use the toilet. Again.
  • Using the toilet will probably make him strip down naked.
  • Stripping down naked will make him play with his "weiner" because he likes it when it stands up.
  • Standing up, he will probably drop the poop hanging from his butt, on the floor.
  • The floor looks like a good place to bang your head against, after you clean the poop.
  • When his business is done, you'll probably give the child a bar of soap.


Queen-Size funny bone said...

oh it is sooooo true..

sam {temptingmama} said...

Frighteningly true. Gah!

Amy said...

Are you working with Laura Joffe Numeroff on a new book? Very funny!!

Sarah said...

Hanging out at The Zoo again were ya? Glad you stopped by! You make me laugh Schmitty!

Valerie said...

Stripping down naked will make him play with his "weiner" because he likes it when it stands up.

It is so true, all boys are the same.

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

Hilarious! Glad I don't deal with the weiner factor (except the hubby's.) ;)

Megan said...

why is it that once boys find it, they can't leave it alone? my youngest just found his.

I love this post!

The Fritz Facts said...

That is so true and so very hilarious!

Trenches of Mommyhood said...

This was perfect!

mamatulip said...

Minus the third kid, that's how it goes down 'round here, too.

Bonnie the Boss said...

Sadly that is so true. We all wish it wasn't but, alas it is.

Day Dreamer said...

Funny, I just found my Mouse A Cookie, Pig a Pancake books last weekend!!

That whole cereal scenario made me laugh and read it over again!! So true true true!

This was great!!!

Rachel said...

That is frighteningly spot on.
Absolutely adorable and brilliant. Thank you for the much needed belly laugh.

Super B's Mom said...


WHAT IS IT about boys needing to completely strip down to pee?

Janis said...

OMG SOOOO Funny!!!

Mrs. Schmitty said...

Queen-size funny bone: Isn't it thought?

Sam: Just you wait until your guys get a little older...it only gets worse! ;)

Amy: That would be cool!

Sarah: I aim to please! Plus I love the Zoo!

Valerie: And they grow up to be men and it never ends!

Jamie: I'm sure hubby would love to know you remembered him! ;)

Megan: They never, NEVER leave it alone. My younger guy? All summer I had to keep whispering to him in public to stop grabbing it...that it was still there. He reminded me of Michael Jackson.

The Fritz Facts: Glad you enjoyed!

Trenches of Mommyhood: Thank You!

Mamatulip: It's the same where ever you go, I'm so sure. It's a boy's/man's main focus!

Bonnie The Boss: The harsh reality!

Day Dreamer: Aren't they THE BEST books? Glad you enjoyed the post!

Rachel: Thank you! Anytime!

Super B's Mom: Yea, why is that? But you know something? Mr. Schmitty does too! LOL (He's gonna kill me for that!)

Janis: Thank you!!

Tricia said...

Sounds like you had a terrific night. hah!

I like your version better than the mouse & cookie, and think you should publish it.

Laura said...

oh ya --- I can relate!

beth said...

Ahh, the circle of life! And, chances are we could follow our husbands around for a day and discover their routines have changed very little.

EE said...

You never fail to crack me up!
Boy, did I need it today!!!

Karly said...

Your son is going to kill you for that one day. LOL.

Leslie said...

Ha ha! So funny!

imbeingheldhostage said...

BRILLIANT! I was ready to grab a cookie with some milk to read through this one. :-)

Maria said...

You know, I was just thinking that while Liv is growing up WAY too fast, I honestly don't miss her toddler days all that much.....

Tiddly Inks said...

You are a genius!!! Write a book! LOL Seriously!!! :D Then get me to help you illustrate it..although your artwork is lovely too! :D

Justice Fergie said...


Lisa said...

Are you sure you aren't window peeking? That is my house 100%.

Anonymous said...

Hi ladies, having been a young boy myself, I can tell you it is intriguingly fascinating at that age.