Sunday, July 20, 2008

Every Mom Should Own One

I was watching some tv this afternoon. Sunday afternoon. Predictably, nothing was on the bazillion channels we now have with our cable company.

I looked down at the DVR Remote in my hand. So many buttons. Then I started thinking, if only I had a remote for my kids. If only ALL moms had them. Wouldn't life be so much more manageable? We should each receive one, along with our discharge papers, from the maternity ward.

I got to thinking how each button could help me, in the day to day chaos, at the Schmitty house.

I could press the VOLUME button down when R. is TALKING IN HER WHISPER VOICE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT SO SHE DOESN'T WAKE UP "HER BOYS"! Or when she uses the same voice in church and the whole congregation is staring at us.

The VOLUME button pressed up would be great for when T. has to apologize to his sister for shoving her. Instead of making him say he was sorry twenty times, R. would hear him the first time. Because HE'S got the whispering thing down pat.

The MUTE button. R. Need I say more about my pint-sized chatterbox? OY! It would also come in handy for the summertime bickering that has been invading my ears.

The CHANNEL up and down button could help me locate a new attitude for W., when the one he is sporting, just isn't cutting it.

The FFWD button would help them step it up at bedtime. No more dragging their butts up to their rooms, they'd be sprinting up the stairs.

When no one is admitting to breaking one of my Willow Tree statues. Because, "What ball? I don't have a ball!" REWIND will give me an instant replay and help me find the culprit.

Have you ever heard an R. story? The SKIP button would help her to reach her destination point just a tad faster.

OH.GOD.THE.STOP.BUTTON! No more straining vocal chords. Just peace.

RECORD everything I tell them to do. I'll never hear them say, "You didn't tell me that!" again. The information will forever be etched into their brains.

The INFO button could help me understand, "What the hell were you thinking? We don't practice writing our letter i's on the freshly painted walls!"

When the Schmitty kids are being angels, I would definitely FAVORITE the moment for future reference.

My ON DEMAND button would be the most worn out button on my remote. I would get them to do my bidding when ever and where ever I wanted!

Lastly, the PAUSE button would allow me to keep my children little, just a few minutes longer.


Super B's Mom said...


I would wear out that On Demand button fo' sho'.

Leigh said...

I hear ya. And agree. When you find where they seel it, pick me one up too. I will pay ya back with interest.

Bonnie the Boss said...

My children have taken summertime bickering to a whole new level.
Great post, I couldn't agree more. My daughter so needs the FFwd button. That would be bliss.

Jay said...

Nice new take on this one! ROFL! I particularly like the idea of the rewind and record buttons - I could use those for my husband, never mind the kids! And the volume - well, maybe I'll let him have that one, now his hearing is going...

Manager Mom said...

Yep, I'd take a remote with an "Oh. God. The. Stop. Button" in a HEARTBEAT.

Justice Jones said...

I wish I had this remote. I could use it for my Hubby to. Rewind to 11 years ago when I first met him to remind why it is again that I married. Ha, ha, JK. Okay, maybe not really. :)

Trenches of Mommyhood said...

What a great idea! Can you patent that?

meleah rebeccah said...

Oh I love the PAUSE button reason.

Remote Controlled Kids would be awesome!!

The Fritz Facts said...

I loved that!! So very true too!

Mrs. Schmitty said...

Super B's Mom: I so love your picture. Yes, that ON DEMAND button would probably be one of those buttons that stick from overuse.

Leigh: Will do!

Bonnie The Boss: Absolute bliss. Chatterboxes, those girls are!

Jay: Oh yes, the hubby model remote. I wonder if we could get a universal remote to work them all at once.

Manager Mom: Wouldn't THAT be wonderful?!

Justice Jones: Oh OH! LOL

Trenches Of Mommyhood: Probably, but the kinks have to be worked out first. It drains batteries WAY too fast.

Meleah: I'd have a dozen kids, if it were that easy!

The Fritz Facts: Thank you!! If only it were a reality!

EE said...

Sign me up! I'll take 2...just in case I lose the first one!!
Great post!!

Amanda said...

Oh that last line, so devastatingly true dammit.

Anonymous said...

BRILLIANT! Marketing such a product - especially, to moms - should not be very difficult ;o)

Mommie Mayhem said...

LOL I would defiantly invest in one of those remotes !!