Saturday, September 01, 2007

Oh It's ON!

I was sitting at the computer today, trying desperately to think of something to write about. I also was trying to get my other blog written and pick a winner for the monthly contest, which will be posted later tonight! :D

I don't know why but my brain is in a complete fog today. I have this big void between my ears. I think my brain turned to mush during the night and leaked out of my right ear. I'm going to have to check with the dust bunnies under my bed and see if they've seen it.

I was stressing a bit because I couldn't concentrate on anything. I get really irritable when I can't function like that. Mr. Schmitty told me to jump in the shower and relax.

"Yea, that's what I'll do!" I thought to myself.

I crank up the hot water, I know it's summer but cold showers aren't for me. The air conditioner is blasting anyway. I jump in, pull the curtain, and I put my face in the spray of water. Mr. Schmitty decided to vacuum the playroom, which is right outside the downstairs bathroom, where I am "relaxing". Oh, how sweet of him!

Like I said, I've got my face in the hot water, eyes closed, mind far away.....aaaaahhhhhh AAAAAHHHHHH...WTF?!

Funny man decides to stick the hose to the vacuum on my bare buttock and scare the Bejeezus out of me. The sound of that air sucking on my cellulite was enough to scare even the most strong of heart. I know I'm probably a strong candidate for liposuction, but this is ridiculous!

"ARE.YOU.CRAZY?!" I screamed at him.

"What? I thought you would find it funny!" he replies. I can hear the muffled laughter from the other side of the curtain.

"Well, I didn't. Why don't you throw the hairdryer in here next time?"

That would be a side-splitter, huh?

I mean what was he thinking, that I would find THAT "relaxing"? The only thing it gave me, besides the black and blue mark I'm sure I'll have on my cheek later, is some great blog material. It didn't give me peace. It didn't give me serenity. It gave me a FREAKING HEART ATTACK!

So, my fellow bloggers, this war of ours has taken a very nasty turn. You would think after almost 15 years of marriage he would know better. I'm bringing out the big guns. He won't know what hit him. When he least expects it, it will be payback time.

Mr. Schmitty, YOU BETTER BRING IT!

10 comments:

JaniceNW said...

Bahahahaha. What a whacko you married. I would have hurt him. Can't wait to see what you come up with next!!

CrazyDeb said...

Found your blog via Erin's Life Changes Everything. Love it. I read this about your hubby and vacuum - get him a flowbee so he can take care of the boy's haircuts! You were wondering in the previous blog if anyone had one I think it would be a great job for him seeing how he enjoys the vacuum. :o)

The Fritz Facts said...

I wish that I could be fly on the wall when payback is reached! Your stories crack me up, and make days brighter!
go get him!

boogiemum said...

Thats the best. I may have to try that one on my hubby. we have our own little war of sorts over here. so far he is killing me! I need some new ideas!

For the Love... said...

How funny!!! We go through spells like that too...the last one ended with me throwing an entire mop bucket full of ice water on my husband while he was in the shower....

meleah rebeccah said...

This is one of my all time FAVORITE posts you have ever written.

(next time try the blow dryer....HAHAHHA that killed me)

Too bad you didn't get to RELAX, but at least you got some material!

Ingrid said...

Thanks for visiting my blog! Your blog looks awesome. I have to come visit more often,

Kristi said...

Nice. I have to cover my bottom every time I pass my husband, you know, to protect myself from the inevitable slap.

EE said...

You guys totally crack me up. I would so do that to my husband;)

Mrs. Fierce Shoes said...

You can bet your bippy that I'm trying that when I get home...HILARIOUS!!! I once sprayed the bathtub with cleaner and left it overnight and my hubs slipped the next morning and "split his boys...." After I found out that he didn't break anything, it was funny as heck...