Wednesday, June 20, 2007

School's (Almost) Out For Summer!

W. is done with 3rd grade in approximately 2 1/2 hours. If I were him I would be watching the minutes tick by on the classroom clock. But knowing my dear W. he is enjoying his last moments by eating cupcakes and laughing with his classmates.

He got his yearbook the other day and I told him it might be a good idea to ask some of his friends to write their phone numbers in his book next to their autograph. He hasn't come home with one. This is where my heart aches for this child of mine.

W. has always been a very outgoing child. He would always be the first to find someone to play with at the playground. He didn't care if you were a girl, a boy, his age, lots older or lots younger. He never discriminated. He usually just joined the child who was doing what he thought looked like fun.

W. has a LOT of energy. He's very impulsive and I think sometimes other children don't know how to take him. They initially flock to him because he looks like so much fun. But unfortunately he sometimes has a problem holding on to friends. The fact that he marches to the beat of his own drummer can be an issue as well as that he seems to play with children because of what they are doing. Now that the kids are getting older they all seem to be establishing their own little cliques. I'm afraid he is going to be the odd one out. He's not forming a strong bond with anyone. He does have the two children across the street he plays with constantly, however, neither one is in his grade. One is older and one is younger by a year.

It breaks my heart that the phone never rings for him. If I hear that he is playing with a new child at school I will tell him that we should have that boy/girl over to play. By the next day he's playing with someone else. I don't know what to do. Do I let him be? Will he be okay?

I see that he gets along with other boys but he always seems to be on the outside. I noticed this at boy scouts. The boys don't really seem to listen to him. They aren't mean but they also don't go out of their way to greet him or include him.

I just don't want my boy to be left out. I would like him to just be able to make a few connections. Friends that will last a life time and be true friends. My heart hurts.


For the Love... said...

I know EXACTLY how you feel. My daughter has the same issues. We changed schools this year, for a lot of reasons, but hoping she would have a better life was one of them. It just killed me to watch her not be invited or included.

We ran into one of the girls from her old school at the library last week. My daughter went over to say hello....The little BITCH said "who are you" and gave her such a look. I wanted to slap the gum out of her snotty little mouth....but I didn't. My daughter only said, "huh, she is still really mean." An hour later we were leaving the grocery store and this car door opened and we heard a girl yelling "Hey Miss-D!." It was one of the girls from the new school...Life is much better there. It is a much smaller school and she has lots of friends.

I don't know why things are different, maybe because she got a fresh start. I hope with all of my heart that you and your son find some way to make you both happy and at peace.

meleah rebeccah said...

My son didn't have a SINGLE friend (or birthday party, or sleep over) until 4th grade. He tried, he was rejected, teased, miserable. My heart broke every day he came home crying. for some reason 4th grade was the best year of his life.

This last year, 5th grade, my son was right back to the same hell that was 1st,2nd,and 3rd grade.

He is SOOO happy the summer is here,and he usually does well at camp with making friends.

I don't know what advice to give. I just spent extra time with my son. alot of card and board games.

my whole HEART goes out to you and your son.


DraMa said...

Oh I can completely understand how this must hurt. I'm not at this point with my boys yet but I it's coming... I wonder how it will be?

I wish I could offer you advice... the only thing I would do is talk to him to see how he interacts with the other kids. Encourage him to always be himself but maybe give him so other social pointers. I don't know... I'm know nothing about this kind of thing.. yet.

Jen said...

This is exactly what we go through with our little guy. Why doesn't someone warn you that this is the really hard part of being a parent? The sleepless nights, the diaper changes, the inability to find time to shower? All that is childs play compared to the worry and concern you have to feel about this kind of stuff.
My big fear with Joseph is that he doesn't know when kids are being mean to him. If someone teases him he thinks that means that they like him and he doesn't know that there's anything wrong with it. Ugh. Even talking about it makes me sad.

Zephra said...

This is the issue that haunts me with my 2 middle kids. Because of Sara's ADHD kids shy away from her. And because Zain is so odd and prefers to play with the girls (because he does not like sports and that is all the boys do) he has a hard time playing with other boys. I have hope though, New neighbors just moved in across the street and they have kids the same age and sex as mine. How cool is that?

Misslionheart said...

I'd have a little chat with his teacher. She may put your mind at rest.

Shauna said...

That's so hard... I wish I had some good advice for you. Good luck.

Random Magus said...

I don't have kids so won't be the right person to give advice... but I wish you all the best!!!

Justice Fergie said...

awww, I'm sorry to hear that Ms. Schmitty.

i am dreading the day when my oldest starts school. i just know my heart will break if one kid so much at LOOKS at her the wrong way.

i may be wrong, but from your post it didn't seem like W is bothered the way that you are. maybe he is just one of those kids who is independent and while he may not have tons and tons of friends, he may end up with 1 or 2 really close ones. my sister was (is) like that.

and as someone who was "popular" in school and had a bunch of "friends" I have to say that years later I really don't have many good friends at all. maybe 3 at the most. those people around me in school were just kids I thought were my friends but no lasting bond was formed.

so there's something to be said for the quality of the friendship vs. the quality. don't worry! W will blossom in his own time. your job is to make sure he is confident and has great self-esteem so that he knows is he great no matter what.

and reading the others' comments: kids can be SO mean! it's awful.