If It's Not One Thing...It's Your Mother (In-Law)

If there is one thing I know about my mother-in-law, it's that she is absolutely no good at playing telephone. You remember that game, right?

Well, I guarantee you that my mother-in-law has never, in her life, been able to repeat a story correctly.

Nevah. Evah.

Mr. Schmitty was working in the yard last week. I was sitting in the window with R., watching him trim the edge of the grass, with the weed whacker. Suddenly, he spun around and his hand went up to his eye.

I jumped up, swung open the door, and shouted, "Oh My God! Are you okay?" I could clearly see he was not.

He came inside and after a few minutes of blotting his tearing eye with a tissue and blowing his nose, he was able to open his eye. He opted out of going to the emergency room, as he wasn't in any pain. He was also able to see out of the eye, though his vision was slightly blurred. He and I were both afraid that going there and not getting the proper care could make the eye worse. He decided to call a specialist in the morning.

After speaking with a doctor friend of ours, Mr. Schmitty obtained a name of a trusted eye specialist. He called and mentioned our friends name and was told to come right in. It pays to know the right people!

Mr. Schmitty called me from his cell phone when the appointment was over. He apparently had gotten hit directly in the center of his right cornea. There was a pretty deep cut and there was still some bleeding. He needed to fill about four prescriptions, avoid any physical labor, wear sunglasses all day and a plastic eye patch all night, and he had to sit upright to sleep. The doctor wanted to see him in the morning.

"What are the chances that it will heal properly?" I asked.

"About 50/50. It could heal perfectly fine. It might not."

Wonderful. I wasn't liking those odds.

"Oh, and get this!" He said. He then proceeded to tell me that while he was sitting in the doctor's office his mother, of ALL people, happened to call the receptionist to make an appointment for my sister-in-law.

I swear that woman has freaking radar!!! What are the chances that she would call while he was sitting there. A place he had never been to before! Are you kidding me?!

I really think she had a tracking device injected into each of her children when they were born. A GPS of sorts. Or something like the locator micro chip that the ASPCA placed in my new adopted kitten.

So, my husband, the big dummy that he is, talked to his mom and told her the whole story. NOT a good move this early on in the situation. You DO NOT tell my mother-in-law ANYTHING like this without knowing 110% that everything will be A-OK.

You JUST don't.

Almost immediately after I hung up the phone with Mr. Schmitty, it began to ring again. I looked at the caller ID and saw that it was his brother.

Damn, my mother-in-law was already burning up the lines. It didn't take her long to get the word out.

"Hi B."

"Can you please give me the REAL story about my brother?" He asked not knowing whether to be serious or not. "I'll hear the facts and then I'll tell you what SHE said."

I filled him in and then said, "Okay, what did SHE say."

"She called, in a panic (surprise, surprise), and said that he may lose his eye, that he was going in for surgery TOMORROW, and that he'd probably lose his job."

Oh.For.The.Love.Of.Pete.

I love this woman, but seriously? She needs to start tape recording conversations.

Update: Mr. Schmitty saw the doctor today. He was able to read the entire eye chart and his sight is no longer blurred. The doctor said that he may get some scaring on the eye but he was lucky. He told my husband, "You definitely had someone watching over you."

What a relief!