Monday, July 06, 2009

If It's Not One Thing...It's Your Mother (In-Law)

If there is one thing I know about my mother-in-law, it's that she is absolutely no good at playing telephone. You remember that game, right?

Well, I guarantee you that my mother-in-law has never, in her life, been able to repeat a story correctly.

Nevah. Evah.

Mr. Schmitty was working in the yard last week. I was sitting in the window with R., watching him trim the edge of the grass, with the weed whacker. Suddenly, he spun around and his hand went up to his eye.

I jumped up, swung open the door, and shouted, "Oh My God! Are you okay?" I could clearly see he was not.

He came inside and after a few minutes of blotting his tearing eye with a tissue and blowing his nose, he was able to open his eye. He opted out of going to the emergency room, as he wasn't in any pain. He was also able to see out of the eye, though his vision was slightly blurred. He and I were both afraid that going there and not getting the proper care could make the eye worse. He decided to call a specialist in the morning.

After speaking with a doctor friend of ours, Mr. Schmitty obtained a name of a trusted eye specialist. He called and mentioned our friends name and was told to come right in. It pays to know the right people!

Mr. Schmitty called me from his cell phone when the appointment was over. He apparently had gotten hit directly in the center of his right cornea. There was a pretty deep cut and there was still some bleeding. He needed to fill about four prescriptions, avoid any physical labor, wear sunglasses all day and a plastic eye patch all night, and he had to sit upright to sleep. The doctor wanted to see him in the morning.

"What are the chances that it will heal properly?" I asked.

"About 50/50. It could heal perfectly fine. It might not."

Wonderful. I wasn't liking those odds.

"Oh, and get this!" He said. He then proceeded to tell me that while he was sitting in the doctor's office his mother, of ALL people, happened to call the receptionist to make an appointment for my sister-in-law.

I swear that woman has freaking radar!!! What are the chances that she would call while he was sitting there. A place he had never been to before! Are you kidding me?!

I really think she had a tracking device injected into each of her children when they were born. A GPS of sorts. Or something like the locator micro chip that the ASPCA placed in my new adopted kitten.

So, my husband, the big dummy that he is, talked to his mom and told her the whole story. NOT a good move this early on in the situation. You DO NOT tell my mother-in-law ANYTHING like this without knowing 110% that everything will be A-OK.

You JUST don't.

Almost immediately after I hung up the phone with Mr. Schmitty, it began to ring again. I looked at the caller ID and saw that it was his brother.

Damn, my mother-in-law was already burning up the lines. It didn't take her long to get the word out.

"Hi B."

"Can you please give me the REAL story about my brother?" He asked not knowing whether to be serious or not. "I'll hear the facts and then I'll tell you what SHE said."

I filled him in and then said, "Okay, what did SHE say."

"She called, in a panic (surprise, surprise), and said that he may lose his eye, that he was going in for surgery TOMORROW, and that he'd probably lose his job."

Oh.For.The.Love.Of.Pete.

I love this woman, but seriously? She needs to start tape recording conversations.

Update: Mr. Schmitty saw the doctor today. He was able to read the entire eye chart and his sight is no longer blurred. The doctor said that he may get some scaring on the eye but he was lucky. He told my husband, "You definitely had someone watching over you."

What a relief!

12 comments:

Megryansmom said...

I'm so glad hubby's surgery went well ;)

Krystal said...

And that he didnt lose his job ;)

Can you ask here where I can get a GPS chip for my kids?

Jill said...

Buy that man some safety goggles!!!

My husband's entire family is like this. Including my husband. When my parents' car got stolen when I was in Florida with the boys, Spike's car seat was in their car. I called my husband and told him what happened and asked him to go to his parents' house to get the spare car seat we used to keep in his old car. (long story as to why it's in his parents' basement and not at our house). He called me at the airport a couple hours later. He was in Target looking at car seats and wasn't sure which one to buy. I asked him why he didn't just get the one from his parents' house (which is less than 2 miles from the Target he was at) and he said he called them and they said they gave their baby car seat to his sister. I was like WTF? Why did they give our car seat to his sister, but then I realized they gave THEIR car seat to his sister, not ours, but he never bothered to go there to check out the situation for himself, even though I knew that if I walked down to their basement I would find our car seat in exactly 2.5 seconds. He decided it was easier to spend $150 or whatever on a new car seat than go his parents' house and try to figure all this out. Seriously... if I hadn't been half way across the country I would have slapped him upside the head. WTF???

p.s. Glad your hubby's OK. And seriously. Safety goggles!!

Trenches of Mommyhood said...

Whew!

Dina said...

A Mama that Lurves Drama! I used to have one of those. My new M-I-L is just Gossip queen. We try not to tell her anything that we don't want the entire city of Pittsburgh know.
So Glad Husband is OK. That's a scary experience.

Bonnie the Boss said...

Whew, I am so glad he is okay! Eyes can be such a scary thing! your MIL cracks me up!

Lainey-Paney said...

I'm glad he didn't lose his vision, lose his eye, or lose his JOB! {is he a sharp-shooter???}

meleah rebeccah said...

Im so glad to hear Mr. Schmitty is OKAY.

But your MIL sure can turn up the volume on things! Wow!

Lisa (Jonny's Mommy) said...

My MIL (Monster-in-law) is all about drama. She over dramatizes every story about family. her mother's been on the verge of death for the past 11 years -- since I first met my husband. Now, she isn't great and she might be on the verge of death now,but she wasn't 11 years ago when MIL first started harping on us all about it.

Anyhow, I'm glad your husband's eye is OK and he won't LOSE AN EYE! OMG!

The Fritz Facts said...

My MIL can be the same way, so can my brother. You tell them one thing and they hear something COMPLETELY different. It drives me nuts.

So glad that he is okay. Eye stuff freaks me out a bit. A friend at work got a push pin IN HER EYE! It was awful. She was okay, but still!

Early Pregnancy Signs said...

So glad he's ok!

Patois said...

His mother was that "someone" watching over him. Clearly. ;)

So glad it worked out and he can continue to toil away at his job.