Monday, March 15, 2010

A Mother's Anxiety

As you all know, W. was born with a heart defect. At only five days old, he needed to undergo a heart operation.

It was a life changing experience for me.

We spent two weeks in the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. We searched the faces of the doctors and nurses for answers. Did our baby have a future? As we listened to machines beep, we watched our baby fight for his life.

And he did just that. He battled through it like a heavy weight champ.

We went home, only to return two weeks later. He had developed an infection in the wound. He needed to be opened back up.

When I left CHOP the first time, I did so thinking (praying?) that I would never return. Yet, there I was again.

From that point on, for a very long time, if W. so much as sniffled, I would begin to panic. What's wrong? Is he okay? Do we have to go back there?!

It was irrational thinking, I know. But with time and biannual checkups, my worries faded.

He is now almost twelve years old and we've never been back. We are truly blessed, as W. is living a healthy life.

He is so healthy that he has decided to join the track team at school. Of course, due to his medical history, the school physician needs clearance from W.'s cardiologist, Dr. A.

Dr. A. has strongly recommended that W. take some tests to permanently clear him for all sports in school. An MRI and a Nuclear Stress Test were ordered to be performed at CHOP. He'll most likely need anesthesia for the MRI. He'll most definitely need IV's for both.

I could picture the ICU in my mind. I could hear the beeps of the machines. I could smell the hand soap that I used so many times that my hands became raw.

The familiar knot returned to my chest.

As I type this, Mr. Schmitty and W. are on their way to Philadelphia. I needed to stay here to care for my other two children.

It is killing me not to be there. But I'm thinking, they are probably better off without me.


Dawn said...

I had no idea. I'm sure everything will be just fine.

And, it will be nice to know that everything really is okay, especially if he's going to be in sports.

Want to share some Xanax with me?!? =)

Derek said...

Sounds like he's a trooper. Thanks for sharing this with us.

meleah rebeccah said...

Oh Honey. Im sure all will be FINE with W, but I am sending you HUGS of support anyway! xoxoxo


Sending hugs and prayers your way.

Patois said...

Totally understand why you'd be anxious. How grand that you can let him go do it.

The Fritz Facts said...

I am thinking of you and of W. I am sure everything will be fine, but the stress you are feeling is awful.

Many hugs and lots of love!!!

Lisa in NJ said...

I'm hoping everything goes OK and he gets his clearance. Sending warm feelings and hugs your way.

Monica said...

Nice blog!
I can definitely understand why you feel anxious.I hope your little man is back home with you real fast!

Justice Fergie said...

Hang in there! It's funny isn't it - no matter how much they grow up, they will always be our babies. Wishing him (and you) all the best!

Leslie said...

I can't imagine going through all that. I'm sure everything will go fine and you'll be cheering him on at the finish line!

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Been there, done that, still do. It's so difficult when it's your child. And that pain never goes away. It sits there under the surface, ready to reappear at the slightest reminder.

I'm so glad he's doing so well! So is our son!! YAY!!!!