Thursday, August 06, 2009

False Advertising

I keep reading about the health benefits of omega-3 essential fatty acids, DHA (docosahexaenoic acid) and EPA (eicosapentaenoic acid). In other words, fish.

These omega-3's found in fish and fish oils are being said to help the developing brains of children. There are also claims that they help in behavior issues, such as; ADHD and OCD. In adults, cold-water species of fish, such as salmon, halibut and tuna can help prevent neurodegenerative diseases. It's also great for the heart!

We don't eat a lot of fish. For one reason, right now, it's extremely expensive. The second? I'm not a huge lover of it and neither are my kids.

We enjoy the occasional flounder. We've even tried wild turbot. But frankly, that's about it.

But who doesn't want a smart kid? And I would definitely like a hand in the ADHD tendencies that my oldest exhibits. Also, I ain't getting any younger...so keeping the old ticker beating is really a priority for me.

Plus, I sometimes fall for the current hype or trend. Remember the fat free stage? Yea, my insulin resistance thanks me for all the extra sugar that one provided.

Anyway, while at the store the other day, I went down the vitamin aisle. I found a bottle of children's Gummy Fish packed with Omega-3's. In big, BOLD letters it announced, "NO FISHY TASTE!" and "KIDS WILL LOVE THE FRUIT FLAVORS!" I then found a similar bottle for nutritionally challenged adults.

I was excited. We'll get healthy one way or another, dammit!! And my kids will be geniuses to boot!

I sat at the dining room table with the kid's Gummy Multivitamins, that they love, and the new bottle of pure magic. I wanted them to take the fish pill first, in case they weren't as delicious as the multivitamin.

Curious, T. and R. flanked either side of me. I smiled and opened the bottle. I popped my thumb through the protective seal and......

OH MY LORD!! The smell from the bottle assaulted my sinuses as though I had been sucker punched in the nose. My head flew back with such force I thought I might need a neck brace.

I recovered as quickly as I could and smiled. "Here T., take this first and then the other!" He's like Mikey the Life Cereal kid. I knew I could use him as a guinea pig.

He popped it in his mouth and chewed. He made a bit of a face and said, "It tastes a little weird." But he seemed to shrug it off. "I'll take W.'s to him." He grabbed another and ran downstairs to his brother.

A few seconds later I heard, "EWWWWW!", feet running to the bathroom, and then, "PPPFTT!" as it was spit into the garbage can.

Shit.

I looked at R. She's not as trusting as her brothers. Or as gullible. Her eyes all but shouted, "NO WAY!"

"Here you go, honey, here is yours," I said enthusiastically.

The crocodile tears began. "NOOoOooooO!" She whined.

"Look baby, I have some too!!" I plucked up my bottled, held it away from my nose, and opened it. "Let's take ours together!"

"You first!" She countered.

I looked in the bottle, took one out and placed it in my mouth. I began to chew....HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!! I started to chug my Diet Pepsi that was on the table. I gulped the putrid piece of nastiness down. The soda was not helping. The little sucker stuck in my throat and slowly made its way down into my stomach.

It tasted like ass. I would have rather have puked in my mouth than eat another.

I threw the bottles straight into the trash.

I looked at R. she looked quite pleased with herself. I'm thinking this chick really might not need any DHA. She's smart enough.

5 comments:

Megryansmom said...

TOF loves his Gummy fish, he'll even chew the adult fish oils. I guess he's just a weirdly.

Bonnie the Boss said...

My sister bought a bottle at sam's or costco or something and made myh oldest try it. It was foul!!!! So sorry!

The Fritz Facts said...

This is why we don't do fish oils...except for the dog. lol

♥georgie♥ said...

OMGosh i am so sorry for LMAO...but that was funny!

Jen said...

Ok, I swear I'm not trying to sell you something here. If you're really interested in giving your kids fish oil you could try Nordic Naturals Children's DHA. They are chewable softgels that have a strawberry flavor. My son swallows them but my girl chews them. She likes them so much that every morning she asks for her "fishy oil".