Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Git R Done!

Mr. Schmitty is in training for a new position at work. He has been away since LAST Sunday. Now, before any of you stalkers out there get the idea to come by and take advantage of an on-her-own mom, I must warn you that my house is equipped with deadbolts, an alarm system, and a dog. Plus, my spawn children stomped all over my last nerve this past weekend. That being said; At this moment, I am not afraid to rip ANYONE limb from limb and then beat them to death with their own extremities. I suggest you think twice.

But I digress.

Mr. Schmitty is the type of guy that never, EVER thinks ahead. I know, is there any OTHER type of man? Anyway, he isn't exactly proficient in planning a damn thing. It's spring, it's rained, and the sun is now shining. The grass? Is about ten feet tall. I'm afraid I may just lose my daughter in it if it doesn't get cut soon.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am far from a girlie-girl that refuses to do that type of work. I actually enjoy mowing the lawn and do so quite often. I'll plug my ear buds in, crank up the iPod, and totally ignore the kiddos. It's the peace I crave.

But what was my hubby thinking? That I could do it ALL?! I've got three demanding, active children and a dog to deal with. Did he think I could pull off being Super Mom, House Manager, AND Landscaper? I just can't wear THAT many hats at once.

I guess others have noticed that I've kind of let the lawn go.

I heard Ruby barking (surprise, surprise) yesterday. I looked outside and a man was walking up the path to my front door. I stepped outside and asked if I could help him.

"Hello ma'am," he said with a very distinct southern drawl. First of all, when EXACTLY did I become a ma'am? Oh how I hate that! And second of all, where in the world did this guy come from? I live in Joisey...that accent certainly wasn't native.

"I own a landscaping company and I was wondering if you might need my services."

You might be thinking my prayers had been answered. But let me give you a bit of a visual description.

I looked from the man standing before me, then to his truck which was polluting my neighborhood idling at the curb, then to his partner who was lounging back against the passenger seat with his feet on the dashboard, and then back to this LANDSCAPER. I bit my lower lip so I would only smile and not burst out with a, "BWAAAHAHHA!"

Did you ever see Larry The Cable Guy? Well, I am quite convinced he was at my house yesterday evening. Either that or he has an identical twin brother.

The truck looked much like this one, though it was red and the bed was filled with mounds of grass and dirt instead of old tires. There were also about three lawnmowers tossed into the heap.

His partner? I'm pretty sure was this guy:

"Um....thanks but my husband is going to take care of it. But I appreciate you stopping by."

"Okay, ma'am." Grrrr....he said IT again. "Have a nice evening." He put his cigarette between his lips. And as he turned he hiked up his jeans by the belt loops, something I was quite thankful for, as I seriously did NOT want to see any crack.

So, today? I'm thinking I may mow the lawn.


Anonymous said...

ROFLMFBO!!!! Larry the Cable Guy...in Joisey! Girl, stranger things have been known to happen!!! OMG I'm just a gigglin! I can just picture the look on your face hee hee hee!!!

Jill said...

We get a lot of that around here too. Especially from the contractors who do the aerating or other lawn services. "I was just over here taking care of your neighbors lawn and wondered if you'd like me to go ahead and take care of yours." Same truck as yours. Wonder how they get from Jersey to Illinois and back in that hunk of junk? :-)

p.s. re: Husbands not planning ahead. My husband travels for work almost every week... for the last 10 or so years. And yet he is incapable of properly packing for a trip. 2 out of 3 trips he has to find a mall and buy a belt or t-shirts or socks or -- and this one's my favorite -- dress shirts becuase he packed suits and ties but no shirt! WTH!?!

The Fritz Facts said...

We had a business card stuck in the door of the new house, and we haven't even moved in yet! The grass is pretty bad though...

How funny! Larry the Cable Guy hunh...did you know he was from Iowa.