Today I logged on and saw that I am now down to 39 subscribers. That's minus 60 more of, what I thought, were LOYAL *sniff* followers. And what will I see tomorrow? A big goose egg?
I think my heart has stopped. I can't breathe. I need a paper bag. QUICK! DOES ANYONE HAVE A FUCKING PAPER BAG?!!!
What have I done? Did I say something wrong? How could I lose 98 of you beautiful people in two days?
Did you conspire against me? Have you all started a Facebook group entitled, "Let's screw around with Mrs. Schmitty's emotions?"
Just a few minutes ago I was
Where did everyone go? Did aliens swoop down and beam them all up? Perhaps instead it was a worm invasion! Did Conficker really emerge on Wednesday? Or maybe it was Barry!
If any of my old friends are still on earth or not the victims of an invertebrate. I implore you. Come back to me. PLLLLLLEEEASSEE?!
Oh, and bring your friends.