Friday, February 13, 2009

It's Been A Hard Day's Ride

Last Sunday, the Schmitty clan decided to pencil in some much needed family time, and took advantage of the unseasonably warm weather. We went to a local park and did some bike riding. We had a fantastic time. It was so nice to get out and spend some quality time together.

I was a little worried about feeling my age the next morning. It's been a while since I exercised that much. I really thought I would wake up with sore thighs and calves. When I got out of bed, I was quite surprised that I felt no tightness or pain in my legs.

However, my girly bits? Yowza! I felt like I had done a lot more than just ride a bike the day before. If you get my drift. [wink, wink]

After questioning Mr. Schmitty and making sure that he hadn't had his way with me while I slept, I decided to Google women's bike seats. I figured if I was going to get some good old fashioned exercise, I'd need to soften the blow to my nether regions.

The bike seat that I have now looks like this:

As you can see there is more than enough cushion for the bum. For me, not an issue, I've got plenty of my own cushioning. But padding on the section for the more sensitive parts? There's not so much.

There are a few different styles of women's bike seats available. Take this one for example:

See the strip in the middle? That's a ventilation channel to keep you cool. Yes, that's right ladies, as you ride you can have air wafting up into your hoo-ha to avoid overheating. This seat also comes with a special pad that absorbs shocks and reduces vibration. Shit, if I have to exercise I don't want to be reducing any vibrations, I've got to have some enjoyment, don't I?

And what's with this seat?



Nothing says, "This is a girl bike," like a Vagina inspired seat. Well, nothing says it better than maybe one in Labia Pink:And I just know that a man designed this one. He made sure to include the easy access feature:


This one? Not even an option:



I don't even want to know what kind of damage this would cause if you should hit a bump and slip off the butt pads.

And check these out:




If you are as freaked out as I am about how the seats look, you can cover them up with these animal seat covers. Because who doesn't want to go for a ride in their neighborhood with a goat, bear, or dog looking like it's sniffing your crotch or shoving it's head up your ass? I mean you just don't get better than that!

And one last thing. This is for you sir, whoever you are, that invented this male bike seat:


Overcompensate much?

18 comments:

Queen-Size funny bone said...

im speechless

Jill said...

hahahahahaha You crack me up!! See, just another example of how exercise is evil!!!

Chris said...

I'm way behind on my feed reader. 110 posts to be exact. I'll be reading for the majority of the day and I'm guessing that this post... will be the most erotic that I find.

Chris said...

Had to come back and read that all again cuz it was just THAT funny. And I just noticed the look on that dogs face. Check out his eyebrows. LOL He's all "Oh yeah... I'mma get me some" Bahahaha

Stacie said...

those are great. I seriously need a new seat too, mine makes my butt bones feel bruised!

Bee and Rose said...

That post is hilarious! You're right! Who wouldn't want a dog's a$$ up the booty while riding all over town on their hoo-ha inspired bike seat!? LOL!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Chris said...

Yes. I am back. Again.

I can't get this post out of my head. I've come up with a few more ideas for these seats.

Rather than a seat that removes the vibration, why not ... add some. *ring ring* "Hello? .. No, she's out on a bike ride again. I swear she's taken 4 of them today."

How about a place for hubbies to order custom made seats with their own faces printed on them? "Here honey... Sit on my face"

How about pictures of squooshed faces? Like this

I really liked the air flow seat but I think it's missing something. It needs one of those whistles that the clowns use that go Zyuuuuuuu.

Midwest Mommy said...

lol! You just had to ask and make sure he didn't have his way with you, I love it!
Those are some pretty interesting seats there...I should just put a tractor seat on my bike that's what my mom did when we were little. She hated bike seats so she had my dad take a riding lawn mower's seat adn put it on her bike instead...man I love that woman, lol!

The Fritz Facts said...

Labia Pink...oh man I snorted a bit. That is awful, but hilarious!

Women's seats are much more comfortable, but they just look strange.

Sabrae Carter said...

Omg I am still laughing about you asking Mr. S if he had his way with you while you were sleeping!!!

EE said...

You never fail to crack me up!!!!
I have a "Grandma" seat on my bike. It's pretty awful!

amelia bedelia said...

wow! I never knew. Those seats were cracking me up!

Karly said...

Labia pink? That is going to be my new favorite color. "What color would you like your hair?" "Labia Pink." "What color car are you looking for?" "Labia Pink." "What color nail polish would you like?" "Labia Pink."

Bonnie the Boss said...

Those seats all made me think "X" rated thoughts. I bet men designed them.

Valerie said...

Hey tagged you for an award!

Justice Jonesie said...

HAHAHAHA. This is so funny. I don't even know what to say.

Smores for Breakfast said...

omg! I don't even know what the seat of my bike looks like! I had nooooo idea of the progress we've made in bike seats! sheeesh! That is hilarious!

Trenches of Mommyhood said...

Hilarious! Who knew?