Do any of you have a husband that constantly loses his belongings? His car keys, cell phone, wallet? Well, I do.
It's a good thing the family jewels are attached to his body because we may never have had children.
Mr. Schmitty claims, when he is searching frantically for the above mentioned objects, that they are NOT lost. They are simply misplaced.
I have a theory that we must have a goblin living in our house, that mischievous bastard! And for some reason he's got a thorn in his ass for the Mr. because only HIS things disappear.
For instance, one day last week, the little peckerhead (the goblin, not Mr. Schmitty, of course) must have gotten a hold of the wallet. We searched high and low for it. In my husband's work truck, the minivan, and the front yard. We combed the whole house. Nada.
He researched the work truck, while I rechecked the minivan, front yard, and house. Nope. Nothing. Zilch.
I was beginning a slow boil. I really didn't want to spend all afternoon cancelling credit cards and atm cards. FREAKING CHRISTMAS IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER! I didn't want to wait for new plastic to get here!
I heard Mr. Schmitty in the kitchen. He had placed his gym bag on the counter.
"Did you look in there?" I asked, trying not to spit venom. He was digging into my free time. I mean c'mon, the kids were in SCHOOL!!
"Did you look through EVERYTHING? EVERY pocket? Did you take things out or just move them around?"
He looked annoyingly at me and said, "Of course I checked everything! It's not there."
"Okay, okay!" I said as I walked past the counter, "I belie.........OH MY GOD!!!"
"OH MY FREAKING......OH MY GAAAAAAAAAAAWD!"
I didn't say another word, I just reached in the opened, side pocket of the gym bag and pulled out his wallet. I had glanced down on my way past the counter and there it was, clear as day.
The neighbors must have thought we were having the best slammin' sex in the world because all I could do for the next five minutes was yell, "OH.MY.GOD!"