Thursday, October 09, 2008

Freaking The Frack Out!!!!

My dog, Ruby, is a yapper. She has this high pitched bark that goes right through me. And she barks at everything.

Someone knocks at the door. She barks. Someone walks past the house. She barks. Someone puts a glass down on the table a little too loudly. She barks. Someone leaves the ketchup bottle on the counter. SHE.BARKS!

About twenty minutes ago I sat my butt down at my desk to draw up some proofs for a customer's notepads. Like the complete pain in the ass she is, she took that as her cue to start scratching on the back door to go out.

I sighed, heaved my body back out of my chair, and let her out. She took off across the yard like a bullet. Of course, barking wildly.

After I swallowed my heart back into my chest, I went outside and yelled at her to shut up.

She was going bananas by the fence, near the shed.

"RUBY! Get over here!" Ugh, That Stoopid Dog! The kids probably knocked over their wagon and dumb-dumb couldn't figure out what it was. She does things like that. One night she carried on for fifteen minutes because I had placed a bag of garbage outside the back door.

Suddenly I heard a yelp. Then I heard nails climbing up the wooden fence. Ruby started to run frantically along the fence. Her barking got crazier.

Then a black shadow appeared, running along the top of the fence. It's silhouette outlined by the light of the moon.

And then I saw IT. A long, [chill just ran up my spine], skinny [goosebumps] tail!!!

OH.HELLZ.NO!

My heart started pounding out of my chest. "THAT HAD BETTER BE A FUCKING POSSUM!" I thought but realized I had actually screamed across the yard. [doing the I've got the willies dance on the patio]

"RUBY COME GET A TREAT....HERE GIRL, HERE'S A COOKIE!!! [pacing wildly on the patio prepared to dive through the glass of the storm door if I see glowing eyes]

Ruby came running, because dog treats are her life. I ran like hell into the laundry room and slammed and locked the door. Then I put up a barricade, you know, in case that THING WITH THE TAIL has a key!

[still shaking and getting goosebumps]

If that was a rat, I'm moving. Now, excuse me while I go change my underwear.

20 comments:

Mrs4444 said...

At first, I thought you were talking about a skunk! I think a rat is WORSE!

Leigh said...

Shreek!!!!!!!!!!!!!
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am doing a willy dance too.

Leigh said...

oh, blog bling at my place for ya...cant recall if I said?

meleah rebeccah said...

oh geeeeeeeeez

Jennifer H said...

I was thinking "skunk," but I agree with mrs4444...rat is worse. {{{shivers}}}

Amy said...

Ick!

Queen-Size funny bone said...

My dogs bark at the reflection of themselves in the glass door. I'm voting for possom since I cant bear to think rat. now i have goosebumps.

Day Dreamer said...

Laughing too loud!

The part about the thing having a key was crazy funny!

Gives me the shivers!

Anonymous said...

Oh ICK! At first I thought you were talking about a burglar or something. At least it was just an animal. Well you have a good alarm dog!

Maria said...

Our dog is the same. He barks when the wind blows too much. I can't tell you how many times I have wanted to throw something at him. And the really scary thing is that if an intruder came into the house in the middle of the night, we would just call out, "Socks, go back to sleep!"

Karly said...

You can move in with me. I have weird bugs though. So, maybe you'd be better off in a hotel.

Justice Jonesie said...

A rat!!!!???? Be sure to plug all holes around your home. We lived in DC and learned the hard way that they can squeeze themeselves into a hole the size of a quarter!!! YIKES!

beth said...

You have good control of your dog if he came when you called with the treat because I would think a moving rat/possum thing would seem more interesting to a pup. Now, if only treats could 'control' the body parts!

Midwest Mommy said...

Totally was thinking skunk! I would have been scared shitless too but happy the doggy didn't have skunk stank all over :-)

Bonnie the Boss said...

I think rats are one of my biggest phobias. EWWW!

Tricia said...

It was a possum. It HAD to be a possum cause if it was a rat, I don't think you can come out of the laundry room.

Tulsi said...

My heart would be in my throat!!

EE said...

We have a dog like that... drives me up the wall!
You know that people pay good money for possum purses in MO:o

georgie said...

i thought it was a skunk too! oh is it wrong i giggled that you locked yourself into the laundry room...oh that was a funny post

The Fritz Facts said...

Rat is much worse. Much much...man alive. I would have freaked out too. ewwwwww