Monday, July 14, 2008

My Bionic Nose

I have been blessed/cursed with an extremely strong sense of smell. Even when my allergies are at their worst I can smell the slightest odor.

My superhuman, enhanced, smelling capabilities have come in handy in the past. For instance, when Mr. Schmitty and I lived upstairs from his olfactory challenged mother, my sniffer picked up a hint of rotten eggs. He couldn't smell a thing and swore I was crazy, but I insisted there was, in deed, a smell.

Upon further investigation we discovered that there was a major gas leak from behind his mother's stove. My nose had saved us from being blown to smithereens.

But, I must admit, most times I just want to shove tampons up my nostrils.
  • Perfume. I can't wear it because, no matter how lightly I apply the fragrance, it smells like I bathed in it. I WILL get a pounding headache. Quite a few years ago in Macy's, a woman in the cosmetic department was spritzing customers as they walked by. She came at me and I almost clocked her one.
  • Dead skunk in the road. I can smell it about 100 yards before we even see it. Mr. Schmitty knows that we are approaching rodent roadkill because I will start freaking out and rolling down the windows. I have to let the air out of the car because I can already smell the stench building up inside. Dead skunk just about does me in.
  • Vomit. Enough said.
  • Stinky feet. Now that my son, W., is getting close to puberty, his feet reek! I've been known to throw his sneakers outside or at least in his room. Let him smell them.
  • Wet or dirty dog. Ruby likes to dig. If she comes inside with that...that...you know... SMELL, then she either has to go in the tub or to the groomer. She is not coming near me until she does.
  • Garlic. I love it, just not so much on another person's breath. If Mr. Schmitty eats it, I can't even sleep next to him at night. I have to make sure either he or I is facing the opposite way. Or I have to build a barricade of pillows between us. He has actually woken me up, out of a sound sleep, by breathing on me with garlic induced Halitosis.
  • B.O. At the grocery store, I was taking a gallon of milk out of the refrigerator. I suddenly got punched in the face with this repulsive funk. I looked around, not knowing where it was coming from. I was gagging. Then I saw him, about three doors down, he was getting eggs. I think the eggs tried to run from him. He was like Pepe Le Pew. I saw a green fog just trailing behind him where ever he went. I thought he might set off the sprinkler system. How in the world could he not smell himself?! Would people please, PLEASE use deodorant? Or at least take a shower every once in a while.
See?! It's bad. So, I ask you all, while you are here, please refrain from farting, because quite honestly, I'll probably be able to smell it.

10 comments:

Jay said...

That's funny!

I'm the one with the the sensitive nose in this house - but I put that down to never having smoked.

Anyway, I can identify with being the only one to smell gas, or smoke etc.

I'm like a canary in a coal mine! LOL!

Zephra said...

I better warn you then. When your boys are in the middle of puberty, their room will have this...smell. I guess it is the hormones or something because i remember my brother's rooms smelling like that. No one else smells it but me.

I have the same super nose and it is a curse.

Marshamlow said...

I am very sensitive to smells too. Add to that list, at least for me, air fresheners and those plug in things, yucky!

Jay said...

Zephra - been there, done that! After it got to the point where I had to hold my nose, I refused to go into their rooms any more! If they didn't bring their laundry out, it didn't get done! LOL!

They've both left home now, and actually manage to do their laundry and everything! I must've done something right, huh?

The Fritz Facts said...

That is to funny~ I have the worst sense of smell. Drives my hubby crazy, because his is so great.

meleah rebeccah said...

I am laughing my ass off at the barricade of pillows (protection from Garlic breath) image in my head.

I am glad I dont have your super sense of smell. I can thank cigarettes for not being able to smell at all!

Jennifer H said...

When I was pregnant, my sense of smell was in overdrive. I can't imagine having that elevated sense all the time.

Karly said...

That would suck! I'm allergic to perfumes, too, but I have a normal nose so it's not too horribly bad.

Flug Thailand said...

Hmmm, so I think you are blessed with this nose...hmmm, but sometimes it could be not so funny...
My nose is not so sensitive but I remember smells and link them with situations.

Beth said...

I have this bionic nose too!!! I cant even be in the same room as Blue Cheese dressing LOL and I can smell a poopy kid from ... well... anywhere. I think I have bionic ears, too.