Thursday, August 16, 2007

Am I Coming Or Am I Going?

That my dear friends, remains the mystery. As you can see, I have been AWOL for almost 5 days. I've been walking in circles for those lost days. The Schmitty house is in a whirlwind. It's been crazy, to say the least, and my head is swimming. I'm probably making you all dizzy right now just reading this post. I'm not making sense, am I? See? I told you. So again, the question as of now is, "Am I coming or am I going?"

I have no freaking idea!

So, bloggy friends, go pee, grab a drink, and buckle down - this is probably going to be a long one.

Mr. Schmitty grew up in the house his mother still resides in. It is a fairly large, very old home. When my father-in-law passed we tried talking her into moving to something smaller. The house has needed an upgrade for years and though my sister-in-law and Mr. Schmitty's 97 year old Nana live there as well, they really don't need a house of that size.

My mother-in-law refused to move. She did not want to move from the home she raised her children in. She is very sentimental and stubborn, there would be no changing her mind, no matter how hard we all tried. We told her the house was in desperate need of being repaired and wasn't a good place for her to be. She didn't care, she wasn't budging.

Finally we got her to listen to us and at least let my other sister-in-law's father come by. He is an engineer and we wanted him to look at the foundation. Well, it's a good thing he did. The foundation was built with red brick. In one area, two layers of that red brick has disintegrated into dust. The house is crumbling. She now has no choice, she needs to get out. A contractor confirmed the problem and told us she really should move before the winter comes and sell the property.

My mother-in-law began visiting condos and homes in adult communities. She wants something with three bedrooms to accommodate them. There is not much out there.

I then thought to myself and approached Mr. Schmitty. I asked him how he feel about selling our home and hers and buying a larger home together. My thoughts were this; his mother is 73 years old and is beginning to show signs of getting older. I refuse to someday put her in a retirement home. She's been through too much and done too much for others for her family to do that. Not that I'm saying they would. I do think it's fair to say, however, that she would probably move in with us. My sister-in-law is handicapped, and though she is fairly independent, I do not believe she can live alone either. I concluded that instead of moving everyone again if his mother should fall ill, or God forbid pass away, why not do it now and let her enjoy the rest of her life a little? Nothing makes her happier than her grandchildren. She'd be able to spend so much time with them. I could help her with Nana. She wouldn't feel afraid when my sister-in-law goes out. My sister-in-law could go out more and not feel guilty. I could do the cleaning and the shopping, which for them is difficult. I would have some adult company when Mr. Schmitty is working evenings. I think the pros outweigh the cons.

Do I know that this is a huge undertaking? Yes. Do I know that we will lose some privacy? Yes. Do I know that I will not always get along with them? OH BOY YES! But it would be for the best.

Now, we need to find a house. We've been looking and everything in our price range seems to be not quite large enough. Or if it's the right size, it's not in the best shape. It's been frustrating, to say the least. I'm anxious and frazzled.

I would like to stay in town so W. can stay in the school system but it may not be a reality. We may have to start looking in another town.

My eyes are crossing now. My head hurts. I need to take a Motrin or two...or maybe three. I'll keep you all updated. Please wish us luck that we can pull this off. And now, if I were you, I'd hold on to my chair because the Schmitty whirlwind is taking off like a tornado!

Toto, Toto!!


Zephra said...

That is quite a commitment and that makes you a better woman then me. I have had my in-laws visit for 6 weeks and I almost didn't make it through. I need my space.

Have you noticed how many bloggers are moving or planning to?

Jen said...

Oh my goodness, you are a far braver woman than I. It sounds like it really might be a good arangement for your family though so I wish you the very best of luck. (As for myself, if I had to spend more than 24 hours in a row with my MIL one of us would end up going off the roof head first.)

Rebecca said...

I have to commend you for offering that to your husband & his family. I love my in laws but I don't think we'd live together very well. I hope you find a house that suits all of your needs.

For the Love... said...

You are such a good person...I can not imagine doing way...

schultzie said...

we've been having similar discussions on our household, and i don't get along really well with my ML. we decided that if it happens, we have to do an in-law suite so everyone can have their privacy. tough call though, and i know that no elder person wants to be a burden.

Brillig said...

Wow! What an undertaking! It's truly inspiring. Good luck with the tornado. I can only imagine!!!

Hey, I'm selling a house in Utah. Want it? ;-)

Valerie said...

You are quite a woman, there is no way I would ever agree to live with the inlaws let alone be the one to bring it up. I wish you guys well finding a house to fit your ever growing family.

meleah rebeccah said...

Good Luck! I hope you find exactly what you are looking for and soon!

Shelli said...

Wow, that is a load you are taking on... and it's your in-laws! you are so brave and compassionate... It sounds like it could very well avoid stress for you guys in the future by doing this now.

Fingers crossed for you that the right home appears before your eyes!

DraMa said...

There are not many women out there that would do this. You are a amazing for even considering it. I hope you all can find the right house. Bless your heart.

EE said...

Good luck finding a house. Maybe you should go on the tv show House Hunters:)
PS You must be a saint!!!

Justice Fergie said...

That is so wonderful of you to propose that. I hope Mr. Schmitty knows what a jewel he's got!

I don't think my husband could live with his mother for very long, let alone me!

Good luck finding a house. It may be tough, but it will all work out in the end.