I'm Not In Chicago and I Couldn't Be Happier

I was slightly bummed....okay, I whined and cried like a little bitch last year that I was missing out on the BlogHer conference.

I crossed my heart and hoped to die that I'd attend this year.

When I finally was confronted with the fact that I am a grown up, I was forced to realize that I have responsibilities. It's either feed my kids or go to a partyfest Blogger conference. So I did what any mature woman would do....I tried to pimp myself out to the first willing john reputable company.

I doubt Jessica Rabbit would have had any problems. Pfft.

So, as I told the women of Room704, who will be placing this button in their maga-catalog-zine, it is with heavy heart that I must say, I will NOT be attending BlogHer '09. Because.....


I thought I'd be flying with Liz and sharing a vomit bag. We Jersey girls gotta stick together, you know.

I thought I'd be handing out my own Moo cards and hi-fiving with my own Poken instead of begging the wonderful Sam to tote my shit around.

I thought I'd be drinking with Jill and wearing Kotex with Karly as we anticipate the arrival of Leslie.

I thought I'd be making Cheeseburger Hats!

But the powers that be were on my side.

"What? What?!" you say. YES! You read correctly, I am happy not to be showing up at this party, that party, and especially THE party!

I am absolutely THRILLED that I won't be meeting her. Or bumping into her. And I'm ecstatic that I won't be hiding out in the bathroom with her.

And do you know why?

THIS MONSTER OF A FUCKING ZIT IS WHY!!!!

That S.O.B. would be making it's own grand entrance into the Sheraton. Hey, that's given me an idea. Do you think Proactiv might sponsor my trip next year?

Move ovah Jessica Simpson!

Just Ignore Those Subliminal Messages

I was accessing our financial situation. In a nutshell, it sucks. Bills, bills, and more bills. Only having one income for a family of five, in Jersey no less, isn't easy. My business isn't pulling in any extra money. I hate to close it down, I worked SO hard on it, but is it something I can keep holding on to?

SOME BIG COMPANY SEND ME TO BLOGHER '09! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!

I've cracked down on our spending. I have organized myself and am concentrating on eliminating our debt. I'm hoping for a miracle. Okay, things aren't THAT bad. I just want to be debt free.

I NEED TO GO TO CHICAGO! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!

Upon opening my eyes, I have had to rethink my plans for July. More specifically my trip to Chicago to attend Blogher '09. I'm on the fence. I keep going back and forth and can't seem to decide.

I'M BEGGING ON MY HANDS AND KNEES! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!

I checked into a few things. Airfare = $318.00. Hotel for 3 nights, plus charges and taxes = $688.94. Blogher Conference Pass, plus fee = $202.95. That's a minimum of $1,209.89, plus all of the other non-essentials.

I WILL PINK PUFFY HEART YOU FOREVER! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!

That's a hunk of change. Can I justify spending that? I'm not sure.

I SO WANT TO STALK MEET THOSE AWESOME A-LIST BLOGGERS! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!

Mr. Schmitty is on board. He knows how badly I want to go this year. He wants me to go and have a good time because I don't do much for myself. Lately, I seem to be doing for everyone else and haven't gotten a moment's peace.

I NEED TO GET AWAY FROM MY FAMILY I NEED A MOMMY BREAK! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!

So, what's a girl to do?

BEG, PLEAD, KISS FEET? PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!

I was thinking of pimping myself out.....see if any companies wanted to sponsor a D-List blogger. I swear I would be forever grateful. I'd wear clothing, hats, underwear, anything with your logo on it! I'd talk you up at the cocktail parties. Just make sure your name is easy to pronounce because, well, it's a cocktail party and I don't want to slur your name. And don't they say that SEX sells? I mean c'mon, you just can't get any SEXier than this:

DON'T YOU WISH YOUR BLOGGER WAS HOT LIKE ME?
Send me to BlogHer'09!!
PLEASE!!

Let's Meet In Real Life at BlogHer '09!

The announcement has been made for the BlogHer '09 Conference. It will be helf in Chicago, IL. Think we can get Oprah to go? I'd love it if Oprah could go. Oprah, will you come meet me? You could crash in my room....seriously, I don't snore.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yea, THE conference. I must tell you, I already have mammoth sized butterflies in my tummy.

This past July, I vowed to attend the next conference. I swore to Karly. She swore to me. WE.HAVE.TO.GO!

I've never been to a BlogHer conference. I have been wanting to go for two years. Just know people, that me going, is a HUGE deal.

Me? Get on an airplane, by.my.self? Go to a city I have never been to before. by.my.self? Attend a conference, by.my.self? A ginormous conference with all sorts of beautiful, funny, and smart ladies and men, by.my.self? WALK INTO A CONFERENCE SMILING AND SAYING HELLO TO PEOPLE I HAVE NEVER MET "IN REAL LIFE", BUT POSSIBLY KNOW MORE ABOUT, BECAUSE OF THEIR HONESTY IN THEIR BLOGS, THAN PEOPLE I DO KNOW IN REAL LIFE, BY.MY.SELF?!!!!

Hell, YES!! This self-proclaimed paranoid, low-self esteemed, shy woman is going to do it. I NEED to do it. For me. To prove to myself that I can do more than I give myself credit for. That I AM more than I give myself credit for.

For me....this will be a monumental moment in my life. I'm stepping out of the security of my bubble and putting myself out there with the best of the best.

When you see me (I'll be the one that looks as though she may either cry and run for the door or puke on your shoes), please, PLEASE be nice to me and then point me towards the bar.