Wednesday, February 27, 2013

"The Suitcase"

I didn't post this Everybody Loves Raymond clip because I, well, love Raymond. I mean I DO love Raymond....everybody does....but my reasoning is more to shed some light on the shenanigans that occur in the Schmitty House. And as we do not have our own sitcom with YouTube clips at my disposal, I went with the next best thing.

On a side note, I am totally contemplating video camera installation in every room. Or maybe one of those NannyCams. No one would think twice about another dust mite infested stuffed animal in this house!

So, no, I didn't seek this video out for entertainment purposes but rather, to show a glimpse into the life of yours truly. Consider it a bit of an art imitates life concept.

Mr. Schmitty and I often mention this episode entitled "Baggage", however we fondly refer to it as "The Suitcase". We made a true connection with Ray and Debra as we watched them ignore the big elephant-sized suitcase in the room. Sure, we laughed together for 30 minutes at their ridiculous antics. I mean really, what married couple would be so stubborn as to refuse to put something away for weeks on sheer principle?


Ok, OK! So I laughed along with him, but yes, I admit it! In my head I was secretly rooting for Debra. I felt her pain.

Dammit Schmitty, I mean Ray, don't you see it?! You practically tripped over it! Your the man, for God's sake, lift it up and put it away!!

After empathizing with Debra, I followed her lead and began to "not see" the things I had so politely asked Mr. Schmitty to take care of for me. I asked once, maybe twice, probably a gazillion times and then I stopped asking. I just left it there in plain sight taking bets with myself on how many inches of dust would accumulate on it before it was dealt with.

As of today there are only three items that need attention:

This classy looking cooler that screams, "Yea, we drink beers!", has been sitting on my back steps forever. It has been so long that I can't remember what we last used it for. It is unzipped so rain has gotten in there. Snow too. I am afraid to flip the lid up as something may crawl out. I am sure it can be classified as a hazardous material by now or at least a science experiment.

These green buckets housed Christmas decorations. Shortly after the New Year, I purged the decades of accumulated ornaments and holiday knick knacks that I no longer wanted. These two containers were left empty to be stored away until I had something new to put into them. They are in my downstairs computer/family room just inches from the crawlspace doors. For a few weeks I kept willing them with my mind to roll across the floor, open the doors, and put themselves away. No dice. Finally I decided to keep them there and put them to good use.They are now storing bags of clothes that need to be saved for the school's spring clothing drive. Mr. Schmitty must have known I would need them. He's such a genius!

And last but not least, this helium tank is sitting in my bedroom. I am not sure how I am to dispose of it. I asked Mr. Schmitty to find out so we don't cause injury to anyone. I'm sure he is getting around to making a phone call; these things take time after all. Maybe there is some helium left, perhaps I can use it when my daughter's birthday rolls around again in October.


And like Debra Barone, I have come to recognize that turning a blind eye on the problem is not going to solve anything. No, the suitcase will forever be in the middle of the stairway landing no matter how long you try to hold out from saying anything.

The solution? There can be only one. Nag the shit out of him!


1 comment:

Liz@thisfullhouse said...

Oh, how I loved finding your post waiting for me in my feed reader :)