Clogged Pipes And It's Funny Until Someone Loses An Eye

Things could have been worse. IT could have happened the night before. The night when we had a full house of friends and neighbors.

On Saturday night we hosted an impromptu game night at our house. We invited some families, threw together some food, and uncorked some wine.

The adults settled in the living room and sent the kids all off to play. We divided into boys men against the women and took turns tormenting each other as we played Pictionary. It was a riot!

Sunday morning, as Mr. Schmitty relaxed in his "office", IT happened. He flushed and water began to pour out from underneath the toilet.

"Shit!" No, no, not shit.....I mean, "Dammit!"

After calling in a guy, it was determined that a clog was causing the back up. A back up that was now invading the downstairs bathtub as well.

Great, on the kid's bath night too.

The kids....hmmmm...I wonder. While their parents boozed it up playing games and drawing inappropriate images on a child's easel, did they shove something down the toilet? Did someone use too many butt wipes or did someone try to flush a freaking Zhu Zhu Pet?

Well, we can't prove anything, unless of course we find a battery operated hamster. But I couldn't think of that now. I had to get the kids cleaned up before school the next day.

I packed up some clothes, toiletries, and towels. The four of us headed to my mother's while Mr. Schmitty stayed behind to deal with our plumbing issues.

A few years ago we needed a new hot water heater. Instead of installing a new one, we opted for the "tankless water heater". It gives you hot water on demand. It.is.tré.awesome!

I forgot what it's like to run out of hot water, so at my mom's, I didn't even give it a thought. W. took his shower first. Done. T. got in and as he was getting out he complained that the water was getting cold.

I looked at my daughter. She looked like pigpen. Plus, I too, was smelling quite ripe.

I decided to sit and wait a while until the tank filled again. If I planned on my own shower, she and I were going to have to get in there together so we could really move it.

It was getting late and I wanted to get the kids home. I tested the water a short while later and we had warmth. I stripped the girl and myself and jumped in.

I lathered up our hair and wouldn't you know it. YUP! Ice cubes practically began to spurt out of the shower head.

Poor R. began to whine and shake. My nipples turned into deadly weapons and were ready to take my daughter's eyes out.

I had to do it. I grabbed her, tossed her head forward, and like lightning rinsed all of the shampoo out of her hair. I wrapped her tightly in two towels, set her down, and flipped on the heater.

I then dove in to rinse out my own hair. By the time I was done my head hurt and I swore I had frozen my brain into a solid block of ice.

After we thawed, I loaded up the minivan and we headed home.

The guy was still there. He had reached the clog with his tools, however, it wasn't coming undone. He would have to bring in the big guns and it wasn't going to be cheap.

He, nonchalantly, suggested we rent a machine from our local Home Depot instead.

As I am typing this, Mr. Schmitty is using said machine. I hope he hurries up, I'm gonna have to poop at some point and I refuse to use the litter pan.