Wednesday, June 24, 2009

A Terrible Loss

Today is a sad, sad day. This evening I will be attending the wake of a childhood friend.

He and his family lived around the corner from me. His sister was one of the first and one of the best friends I have ever had. He and my brother were just as close. Their large family was one that I longed to be a part of. I ran, almost daily, sprinting through the park, from my own life and placed myself in theirs.

Our neighborhood, back then, was a very close-knit one. We played and grew together. We laughed. We fought. We caused trouble. We stuck up for one another.

I have wonderful memories of baseball games, the park, rollerskating, lemonade stands, our neighbor's in-ground pool, Halloween, shooting pool, haunted mansions in the basement, manhunt, dressing the boys up as KISS, camping out in the backyard, and big wheel races.

Those were some of the greatest times of my life. I will always remember them.

As we grew, many of us went our separate ways. I still exchange Christmas cards with my friend and I marvel at how her children are growing. I smile and remember us at that age. Periodically, my brother or I will cross paths with a family member, always stopping to say hello.

Billy Joe, I did not know the you of today. I do not know of your torment or sorrows. What I do know is that you always had a good heart. Something like that does not change. I believe that your mind was troubled in your final moments. I do not believe that you purposely wished this pain, that is so great, on your loved ones.

I discovered this poem and in my heart of hearts, I have faith that he would never bring such sadness to his wife, family, and friends consciously.

Another day for you to wonder, another day for you to mourn
It wasn't my intention to go before the coming dawn
My pain was deep within my heart and troubled head
It wasn't my intention to go without words said.

My frame of mind seemed normal, or so I heard them say
It wasn't my intention not to see another day
I did not mean to make you suffer or cause you so much pain
It wasn't my intention to never see you again.

Despair and confusion left my aching mind unsure
It wasn’t my intention to suddenly close life's door
If only I could give you reasons and brush the tears away
It wasn’t my intention to leave and not stay.

I did not mean for you to grieve, now left alone to cry
It wasn't my intention to leave you, forever asking why
As the burdens of life's worries slowly ebb from my heart
It wasn't my intention to tear your soul apart.
-Y. Docherty

Rest in peace Billy Joe, you will never be forgotten.


Jennifer H said...

I am so sorry the loss of your friend. My heart is breaking for you and all his family and friends.

Jill said...

I'm so sorry... sending big hugs!

The Fritz Facts said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your family friend. I am keeping you in my thoughts today. Many hugs.

Lisa (Jonny's Mommy) said...

I wish I could do more than just say "I'm sorry." I can't imagine the pain and confusion you and his family is going through right now.

You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Bonnie the Boss said...

I am so sorry for your loss and the loss to his family! Hugs!

Laura said...

Sorry to hear of your loss. HUGS.

~Sandy~ said...

I'm really sorry to hear about this loss. I took from what you wrote that he pobably took his own life. This is the hardest way for a family to have to loose a love one. It is hard to let go and the family is often consumed with,"Could I have done something?" "What If?" I know, I've been there. I lost my brother June 2005. He took his life and the pain of loosing him that way has been so hard on all our family. My prayers are with you all.

Jen said...

I am sorry about the loss of your friend. My thoughts are with you and those who are missing him today.

Patois said...

I'm very sorry. I hope the memories of the great times bring you all comfort.