Sunday, January 04, 2009

Not His Forté

T. received a belated birthday gift today. It was the game Hyper Jump. To play, the computerized voice calls out a number or color, and you have to step on the appropriate target as fast as you can.

Like most toys, this required some minimal assembly; battery installation and attaching the air tubes and targets to the base. Simple enough.

T. ran into the living room with his new game, placed it on the floor, set up the game options, and hit go.

"Orange!" the voice called. T. immediately stepped on the orange target.

"Bleeeeeppppp! Orange!" sounded the base. Again he stomped on the orange target. Again we heard the same sequence. Over and over and over, again.

After 15 minutes of resetting the game and having the exact thing happen, I asked T., "Did daddy put this together for you?"


I looked at the box, not EVEN the instructions, and saw the problem. The targets were in the wrong order. I made a few adjustments and restarted the game.

BINGO! It worked perfectly. I just giggled.

Mr. Schmitty NEVER, EVER puts things together in our house. I won't let him.

It all started when we were first married. We lived at my in-laws in an apartment on the second floor of their house. They didn't charge us any rent so periodically we would buy them a nice gift as our way of saying thanks.

One summer day we purchased a new propane grill. Mr. Schmitty called me at work, early in the day, to tell me that he had gotten it. He said he would put it together and when I got home at 6 o'clock we could grill and have dinner with his parents.

I told him that sounded great. Heh. Little did I know.

When I got home from work, he was still in the yard with only two pieces put together. Mr. Schmitty had a drill in his hand and was preparing to drill a hole in one of the larger metal pieces.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I have to drill a hole for this screw to go in." He replied.

"NO! NO!" I yelled, "Everything is pre-drilled! That piece doesn't go there!"

Needless to say we at take-out that night. The next day I put the grill together. In about an hour.

He, for whatever reason, didn't actually read the owner's manuals. So, from that point forward, I have been the one to construct all furniture, toys, and baby items.

I've got enough stress in my life without worrying about wheels popping off strollers or bunk beds caving in.


Text Imps said...

LMAO! Why do men think that if they ask for directions or touch a user's manual they will burst into flames like a vampire in sunlight? And I love your Mr. Fixit picture.

Dawn said...

LOL! Loved this post!! I'm so cracking up.

Honestly, I just think some men don't read the instructions so they can get out of doing things! LOL! They know we will take over and do it RIGHT!

My husband is an instruction reader. He's an engineer so he is weird, I mean wired differently!

Scary Mommy said...

That could SO be my house. I end up doing all that crap because my husband is a total idiot like that! The directions do not make you weak, LOL!

EE said...

LOL! I'm the one who doesn't read the directions at my house:o

Megryansmom said...

I think Dawn hit the nail on the head, men do things that way so they won't have to do things!

Patois said...

Oh, he so set you up from the get-go. Mine tried something similar by feigning poor toilet-cleaning skills. I just kept having him practice, practice, practice.

Lynn - the piggy bank painter said...

LOL! Too funny!

Super B's Mom said...


NO DON'T DRILL!! Ahhhhh!

meleah rebeccah said...

Directions? Instructions? What are those! I never read them. I would need YOU too in order to assemble even the smallest gadget!

Tricia said...

Hah. Very funny. My husband and I are BOTH like Mr. Schmitty, so you can imagine the conundrums we encounter.

Baloney said...

Here's a funny one - my 9 year old reads instructions. Every word of them! From the time he started reading he has done that. First time I realized he was doing it was when he figured out how to use the "flamethrower" lighters I use to light candles. Supposed to be childproof - but the directions are written on there!
My dad was that way, too. Every board game we played we had to sit and watch him read the directions.
Doc is allowed to put Lego sets together. After that, it is debatable.
At this point I try to find someone else that can be paid to put something together, hang curtains, etc. Expensive, but it saves some big issues later.

Dysd Housewife said...

I think this is don't want ANYONE telling them what to do..even if it's in writing. LOL

The Fritz Facts said...

I am so glad that Hubby is not like that. I don't know what I would do. I don't put things together he needs to! lol