Sunday, December 07, 2008

THE Talk

Well, it is done. W. was FINALLY enlightened about the birds and the bees.

I wasn't ready way back then. Mr. Schmitty wussed out here. And though this got the ball rolling, W. seemed to lose interest before the actual sit down took place.

Then yesterday came. Mr. Schmitty and I were talking and for some reason R. walked up to me and lifted up my shirt. On my stomach is a small scar from having my gallbladder removed.

W. asked, "Is that your scar from having us?"

"No, I didn't have an operation to have you," I replied.

Puzzled, he then asked, "Well, how were we born then?"

I looked at Mr. Schmitty. "Dude, you SO should have had this conversation already!"

He looked panicked.

"W. do you really want to know about babies? Are you REALLY ready for the answers?" I asked.

He nodded.

"Let's go in the other room then and sit down, " I told him as I escorted him through the doorway and flipped Mr. Schmitty the bird before I followed.

I proceeded to give W. the basic information on how a baby is made. His eyes got big and, of course, he started to giggle. So did I. It helped relieve some of the tension. I couldn't believe how innocent and clueless my son was. I know, from other moms, that a lot of kids his age are in the know.

The conversation went well. He asked a few questions and I kept it as simple as possible.

He then asked, "So, if you didn't have an operation, how was I born?"

"Well, I pushed you out."

He brought both of his hands around to his butt and said, "From here?"

I shook my head, "No, not there."

He grabbed at his chest like he had breasts, "Here?"

I laughed, "Honey, how do you think a baby would come out of there?"

"Did I come out of your belly button?"

Again, I shook my head.

"Well, where then?"

"What's left?" I asked.

His eyes got as big as saucers. His face broke out in a grin. "From your Bergina?"

"First of all, it's vagina and yes."

His mouth dropped open. He laughed out loud. "Did it hurt?"

"Yes, some. Especially you because you were first. I actually had to have a few stitches." [nervous banter]

He thought for a moment.

"Can I see your stitches?"

"Grrrreaaaat, no more questions? Good, good, talk over. Thanks for coming, dad can take it from here."


Shanna said...

I had the "talk" with my 10 year old on her birthday. She wanted to know how babies were made. When I told her we both turned red and then the told me that was the sickest thing she has ever heard.

Super B's Mom said...

"Can I see your stitches?"??????????

OMG I would've died right there.

Jennifer H said...

Oh my god. I'm sorry, but Bergina made me laugh.

When I told my son the very basics (he asked), he crossed his eyes, puffed out his cheeks like he was going to hurl, and then fell over on the floor.

Exactly the reaction I was hoping for.

This was so funny.

Mommy Cracked said...

OK, so you know I'm totally going to think of Bergina everytime I read your blog now!! BWAAAHAHAHAA!!!

And that last question!!! My husband just asked me what was so funny!

I'm glad you guys had "the talk". I'm dreading that day already.

Queen-Size funny bone said...

Maybe thats what a Bear calls it. A Bergina. I laughed until I cried.

Gretchen said...

Dang, I should be so lucky as to be off the hook until then.

Little Miss Observant has already demanded that I explain why I get sick every month (YOU try explaining menstruation to a three-year-old while driving through the Wal-Mart parking lot), and in the past week I've had to go into increasing detail about where babies come from because she will NOT leave it alone, and everywhere we go there's more babies.

Luckily, she has no idea that boys and girls have different equipment, so I haven't had to handle the whole mechanics of conception yet, but I can feel it coming. I better start taping those baby shows on TLC to use as Exhibit B.

Mrs4444 said...

I have NEVER laughed harder! OMG!!

Bonnie the Boss said...

Too funny!! My oldest is all informed and I have kinda dropped the ball from there. I need to do the same thing with my middle 2. We talk about things but I haven't had an official sit down yet and I am not all that gungho about it.

Merrily Down the Stream said...

So Bergina it will be for ever more...
found you on Oh, the Joys - you made some nice comments when I guest blogged there. Stop by sometime. And no, he can't see my stitches either!

The Fritz Facts said...

Bergina??? Man...that is funny. "Can I see your stitches?" takes the cake though. I would have died at that point.

Laura said...

WOW - I am soooo not looking forward to the "talk".

beth said...

I wonder what he thought the Bergina was before you told him?

Patois said...

I lucked out when I had the talk with my eldest, who happened to also be 10 at the time. We were alone in the car at night, driving 30 miles home from the airport. Much easier to do under cover of darkness.

He never asked to see the stitches. You win.