Monday, October 06, 2008


My daughter has the most interesting color eyes. They are a combination of both of her brother's eyes. The green that makes up most of the iris is from W. and the traces of brown surrounding the pupil are from T. I guess you could say her eyes are hazel.

Eyes, for me, are the first thing I notice on a person. They can say a lot about someone. You can show no emotion on your face, but your eyes can't seem to hide what you are feeling. They can be sad or they can smile.

They can also be terrifying. My father had those type of eyes. The ones that bore into you. Ones that looked at you, as he ranted, and made you stay put in your place. No matter how much you wanted to run and hide. I would stay planted where I stood, frozen. Sometimes for hours. And though I still don't understand it, his eyes always found mine. No matter who the target of his anger was directed at, he'd always make that contact with me. It still remains a mystery to me. It still makes me shiver.

I love my daughter's big, beautifully colored eyes. But every so often, a certain glance or expression will look at me, and for a split second, I will see him. It sends a chill up my spine.

I hate that he is a part of her. I hate that no matter how hard I try to keep him out of my life, he will always be there, in her eyes.


DraMa said...

I am actually not sure what to say, other than this is a very poignant post.

I can imagine, somewhat, of how you feel about your daughter. I hate that I see my father in myself and that my kids are affected by it sometimes. I hate it. I am trying so hard to break that cycle... it's just not easy.

Oh the haunting we deal with in life...

Queen-Size funny bone said...

I guess the important thing is not to become what you despised in others. Loving will win out.

meleah rebeccah said...

I say just try and stay focused on the beautiful part of her eyes....

But, I know what you son gets 'that look' which reminds me of not such pleasant childhood memories of my own.

Zephra said...

My mom had those eyes. They still haunt me.

Kelley said...

I see my Mother In Law in Too's eyes. Her beautiful huge blue eyes are exactly the same as that woman. The woman that made my life hell.

It sucks to see someone you despise in the eyes of your most beloved.

I understand babe.

Tricia said...

This is poignant, and real. Thank you for sharing this. It's amazing how things, experiences, haunt our minds from one generation to another.

Day Dreamer said...

I understand you more than I ever wanted to.

Every single day, I see that too, in my Menaces eyes. He has the eyes of my father.

Doesn't change how very much we love them at all......but some days, especially when he's mad at me(!), it's harder to take.

Hugs you. Very big hugs.