I'm tired of the bickering. The back talk. The laziness. The battles. I'm just so very tired.
All three of my
Can I get an AMEN?!
Tonight when the war that is known as bedtime began, I told them that I had a great idea for tomorrow. I am going to be the kid and they were going to play parent. The three of them began to laugh and cheer. "Yeah!! We get to tell mom what to do!!"
I then burst their bubble with a breakdown of how the day will probably go.
- When I wake up I will climb in bed with you and poke you. If that doesn't rouse you, I will pull strands of your hair.
- I will tell you that "I don't have to go to the bathroom!" even though I'm doing the potty dance.
- I will pee standing up and will stretch at the same time spraying urine all over the seat and anything else within range.
- I will walk out of the bathroom without wiping, cleaning up the pee, flushing, or putting the seat down.
- You have to make me breakfast, when I decide to tell you what I want because "I just don't know!" After you make it, I will tell you that I changed my mind.
- I will spill my milk all over the table and onto the floor.
- I will leave my dirty dishes on the table and flop in front of the television.
- After you tell me to do my chores, at least 50 times, I will ask you what you said.
- I will get dressed and leave my clothes on the floor next to the hamper.
- You will notice that I did not change my underwear. You will tell me to, I will grunt at you and roll my eyes.
- I will brush my bottom back teeth only.
- I will squirt toothpaste all over the vanity.
- I will forget to wash my face, brush my hair, and make my bed.
- In between each of these steps I will ask you if my friends can come over to play. You will need to remind me that they can come over AFTER my chores are complete.
- I will invite my friends over to play Wii. We will get hungry so you will have to make us lunch.
- But first you will have to do a load of laundry after you clean out my underwear because I will poop in them even though I'm old enough not to.
- You will also have make sure I shower the stench off of me.
- I will waste twenty minutes in the shower and when you ask if I am done, I will say I didn't even start yet.
- You will need to dry the bathroom because I managed to splash water on every inch of surface.
- You will need to clean yourself up and continue making us lunch.
- I will argue with you that I'm done eating my lunch and want ice cream even though I only took one bite of my sandwich.
- After I finally decide to eat, I will do so over my lap and not the plate, making sure the crumbs fall to the floor.
- I will watch Ruby eat the peanut butter and jelly pieces and then proceed to throw it up all over the floor you mopped this morning after the spilled milk incident.
- My friends and I will suck on lollipops and leave the sticky wrappers and sticks on the rug and on the dressers.
- We will then ask for ice cream and cookies.
- We will run through the house screaming because we are now all sugared up.
- I will ask over and over if my friends can stay for dinner. We all want Happy Meals with a toy. All 10 of us. What do you mean you don't have any money? Just go to the bank.
- You will send my friends home and I will begin my forty minute meltdown. I'm too tired to clean up the mess we made!
- I will mope around until dinner is put on the table. I will complain about everything on the plate. I will not eat my vegetables.
- I will ask for ice cream. Again.
- I will spill my milk. Again.
- I will throw my paper plate on top of the garbage so it falls to the back of the cabinet.
- I will toss my, half a glass left of milk, into the sink and splatter milk all over the kitchen window.
- I will not go upstairs to the bathroom until somebody goes with me because there are monsters up there!
- When you tell me to put on my pajamas, I will run into your room, naked, and bounce up and down your your bed tempting you to catch me.
- I will probably get hurt and scream and cry and blame you.
- I will argue with you about going to bed until I notice my favorite television show is on. Then I will settle down to watch, only to bounce off the walls, two minutes before bedtime.
- I will say I am hungry. I will say I am thirsty. I will need to go to the bathroom. I will need a hug. I will need a kiss. I will need my quilt fixed. I will need the light turned up. I'm scared, I need you to sit with me. I will whine that "I'm not tired!" I will ask for each of these things, one at a time, after you have gone downstairs and gotten comfortable on the couch.
- All day I will tell you No. I will always have to have the last word. I will talk over you. I will ignore you when you talk. I will tell you that you are unfair. I might even tell you that I hate you even though later, I will swear I didn't mean it.
I'll just do what you all do. I'll do the dead body drop. Try carrying me up the stairs. Heh.