Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Superballs And Bouncy Balls

Today was one of those days that one second I wanted to beat my kids and the next second I wanted to, well, beat my kids.

I had to go to the grocery store. I've mentioned before, I HATE to go grocery shopping. Taking that into consideration, imagine my excitement going grocery shopping with all 3 kids. Yea, I was just thrilled to pieces.

On the way there I did the usual. I ran down the list of do's and don'ts, all the while wondering why I just wasn't conserving my energy. I'm sure they weren't listening and they certainly weren't going to follow the rules anyway. It's just not in their nature.

You see mine are active and curious. They bounce around like Superballs. They check out everything. They.Never.Stop! They suck in public places.

They are good kids, really they are, they just have way too much energy and a huge need to explore.and.touch.every.freaking.thing.that.piques.their.interest.

I'll give you an example. Now mind you, I'm already approaching the breaking point. I have only two more things to find and put into my cart. I'm in the meat department looking for something for dinner. Some smart-alecky employee was nice enough to place a huge metal bin of brightly colored bouncy balls next to the pork chops. That's like putting all that darned candy at the checkout. Evil, evil people they are. As I'm looking for Italian Sausage, I hear bing, bing, bing. I took a deep breath, because I know it has something to do with my spawn.

W., T., and R. are taking the balls out of the bottom of the bin and playing basketball with them. The balls have gotten lodged near the top of the bin and they wanted to put the loose ones from the bottom all at the top.

Now, this really wouldn't have been so bad if R. was a better shot or a foot taller. Before I could even stop her, she threw a ball up. I watched as it bounced off the bin and smacked into the lady next to me. I was like a deer in the headlights. I couldn't move. The poor, startled woman practically dropped her rump roast when she was hit in her, um, rump roast.

The vein in my head was about to explode when all of a sudden I heard a rumbling. I spun around. The balls had come dislodged, with a little help from T., and were now falling to the bottom of the bin. Balls were shooting out in all different directions across the floor.

I looked up at the security camera overhead and I burst out laughing. Yes, I went absolutely hysterical. I guess it was that or cry. Whomever was monitoring in the back room must have been getting their daily chuckle. That, or they were getting ready to call the cops or Children's Services, thinking I might crack at any moment.

"Hello? 911? I think we've got a loon in need of a straight jacket here!"

Needless to say, my children stuck close to me during checkout. I lined them up against the wall and if they had blindfolds and cigarettes, they would have looked like they were waiting for the firing squad.

Next time, I don't care if we only have a slice of bread in the house, I'm going solo!


The Fritz Facts said...

Oh wow...I hate the bouncy ball bins. They are pure evil for parents, and a party for kids.

I tagged you in a meme...check it out.

slackermommy said...

I'm with you. I'd rather starve than take all my kids grocery shopping.

Laura said...

OK - I am laughing out loud...I can TOTALLY relate!


Queen Goob said...

I remember doing the list of rules before hitting the grocery store, too. They don't work.

One time my spawn were playing "don't step on the green tiles or you'll get eaten by an alligator" down the cereal isle; they were towards the end when out of my mouth, like Sergeant Carter I yell You. Now. MOVE!

A little old man at the other end of the isle could be heard shouting back "MA'AM, YES MA'AM."

Not one of my finer moments.

Bonnie the Boss said...

LOL!!! I am so sorry. You handled it a lot better than me. I would have been yelling and swearing!! Laughing is the best way to handle it.
Firing Squad!!!! Perfect.

Jennifer H said...

You're going to throw bouncy balls at myrump roast when I tell you that one of our grocery chains here offers free childcare while you shop. Let me tell ya, we do most of our shopping there!

Good for you that you laughed! Did that woman ever crack a smile?

Hilarious story!

Mrs. Chicken said...

Not laughing. Nope. Not.


Dawn said...

My kids cannot keep their hands off of bouncy balls in stores. It doesn't matter what store we go to, they find the balls and throw them all over the place. I avoid taking my three kids anywhere at the same time unless my husband is with me. Three against two is much easier to deal with then three against one.

Suze said...

Grocery stores are evil personified. They put stuff out that they KNOW kids will want to touch, and come over all disapproving and sanctimonious when kids DO touch.
Doing the grocery thing, is something I insisted on doing alone when mine were younger.

EE said...

My kids are usually ok in the stores, it's me who can't keep her hands off ANYTHING! I feel their pain;)

In reference to your comment...3 times in one week, and not in the closet or bathroom:)

Beth said...

OMG I dread the day this comes!!! I thought I had it bad with my two year old awake til about 5 minutes ago! (its Midnight now).... wow... you deserve a metal for NOT hurting someone today! *bows to supermom*

Manager Mom said...

Yes, I think that grocery shopping with children is God's way of punishing us for our sins.

My kids have the touching thing too. They. Touch. EVERYTHING. Why do kids do that?

Maria said...

I just have the one child, but even she cannot resist the bouncy ball bin....

It is an evil, evil thing.

Leigh said...

LOL! I see this play out almost everytime I go into the grocery store. I had a good laugh at your expense....but I was laughing with you. K?

Tricia said...

I have one child and likes to run his hand along everything in the aisle at mock speed. He is a merchandiser's nightmare, and I've seriously considered bringing duct tape with me so I can secure his hands to his hips. I can't imagine trying to shop with three. You are brave!

Ann said...

I found you through Mom Bloggers Club.
This is great! Your post is great and I get you!
I'm so glad I found your blog.

amelia said...

I've always wondered if that exact situation ever happened with those bins. Despite your completely unfun situation, great post.

Karen of Sillymonkeez said...

Just visiting through the BlogHer Ads link!

I think you handled yourself very well.

I host a meme called "Silly Monkey Stories" and that would have made a great one!!

Trenches of Mommyhood said...

Ahhh yes. This I know too well. Shopping with 3 children in tow. It's certainly not for the weak at heart.

Jay said...

Oh, I remember those days! Thank heavens they are behind me! ROFL!

I almost wish I'd had a blog when my kids were young, but I was permanently so tired I was like the living dead and would never have been able to do it. You'd have loved it, though, reading about all the horrible things my kids did.

Take heart. They do grow up, and those traits that drive you insane right now will come in handy for them as teens and adults. Persistence, determination, the ability to think for themselves and not be 'yes' men all the time, curiosity, etc.

Yep. They'll be just fine. If they live that long. LOL!