Sunday, September 23, 2007

A Troublemaker's Timeline

The following post is what happens when you leave a three year old girl, who seems to be going through a monster faze, a pile of french fries, with ketchup, of course, and a seven month old puppy, that just loves said girl, especially when she has food, in a room for a few minutes ~ ALONE. (Okay, okay, so I had a brain fart)

2:06 pm: I leave R. at the dining room table with her french fries. R. is eating happily while watching Spongebob's "The Best Day Ever".

2:09 pm: As I am checking my business email, I hear Mr. Schmitty yell, "You'd better get up here!"

2:10 pm: We are cleaning up french fries, that Ruby is desperately trying to scoff down, that were dumped on the living room rug, "Because Ruby likes french fries!"

2:12 pm: Mr. Schmitty is bathing the pooch because, "Look Mama, I finger painted Ruby with the ketchup!"

2:13 pm: I am striping down my little Picasso because her new, cute, pink skort and top looks like she hemorrhaged in it. She also needs to get into the tub, for the second time today, because her arms are completely smeared with the remainder of the ketchup, "Just like sunblock!"

2:21 pm: I take a clean R. out of the tub and wrap her in a towel. She begins fighting me as I try to put on her clean clothes.

2:27 pm: I give up the fight and tell her to put on her own damn clothes.

2:29 pm: I leave the room, yet again, for only moments so I can try to save her outfit. I throw the outfit into the washing machine and return to the living room. The room is vacant, the clean clothes are in a heap on the floor.

2:32 pm: I begin the search.

2:33 pm: I find a naked R. in the upstairs bathroom, she is laughing hysterically. She is sitting in a pile of this:

2:34 pm: I begin talking to myself and wonder if I should begin drinking even though it's before 5:00 pm.

2:37 pm: I practically pin R. to the floor and as I get pummeled with fists and feet, I manage to get her dressed.

2:45 pm: I hand off the devil child to Mr. Schmitty, give him a kiss on the cheek, and apologize.

2:46 pm: I leave the room and hide in my cave office.

2:49 pm: I begin searching Google. I make a great discovery. I'm seriously considering an investment into these Papoose Boards. Look, they have sizes for all the Schmitty kids! The day may not be a total loss.

2:50 pm: Yes Spongebob, it just may be "The Best Day Ever!" after all.


Janis said...

HAHA!! That is too funny!! What IS it with 3 year old girls?? Mine is in just as much trouble if you turn your head for one second!! and the attitude!! ugh...I feel your pain..really I do.

I need to go and Google those Papoose boards now....

Zephra said...

The papoose board is a good idea but you could also consider a straight jacket.

Shelli said...

gee, were you in my house this weekend??? lol.

meleah said...

That was too funny! Sorry that you had such a mess to clean up! I guess no more fries and ketchup without supervision!

Elle said...

Oh I have one of those trouble makers myself. Those kid wraps look like a nifty invention!

Annie said...

Hilarious! I'll have two of those papoose boards please - one for use and one as a spare when the first one is in the wash!

I laughed so hard at this - sorry! It just feels great after a morning of cleaning up a flooded bathroom after my own daughter 'used too much toilet roller', to know that I am not in this kind of life alone :)

boogiemum said...

I feel your pain. My 3 year old son does a lot of the same stuff. Yesterday included putting a softball size hole in my wall. I got two bottles of wine just asking to be opened over here. Would you care for one ? :)

Valerie said...

Oh girl I feel your pain!

DraMa said...

It's like reading a page right out of my own life. No joke.

Only I have TWO toddler BOYS.

Oh. My. Gawd.

Anonymous said...


Sounds like my 4 year old daughter. you know. Princess.

Hire a maid and come on over.

Random Magus said...

How cute. I remember my cousin's son, the naughtiest child I have ever met, could not be left alone. We were babysitting him once and made the mistake of leaving him alone for a few minutes only to find out that he had made 'snow' with powder. The red carpet was now white. It was infuriating yet adorable at the same time.

EE said...

You've definitely got a busy one!!!

Mommy the Maid said...

Oh man do I feel your pain. I am absolutly loving the fact that not only does this happen to someone else other than me, but that she puts in pictres and words for the world to see :D

Secret Agent Mama said...

.oO I am sooooo ordering some of those papoose boards!

Deb said...

OMG... I think I need one of those for when my kid finally becomes mobile!!!