A Troublemaker's Timeline

The following post is what happens when you leave a three year old girl, who seems to be going through a monster faze, a pile of french fries, with ketchup, of course, and a seven month old puppy, that just loves said girl, especially when she has food, in a room for a few minutes ~ ALONE. (Okay, okay, so I had a brain fart)

2:06 pm: I leave R. at the dining room table with her french fries. R. is eating happily while watching Spongebob's "The Best Day Ever".

2:09 pm: As I am checking my business email, I hear Mr. Schmitty yell, "You'd better get up here!"

2:10 pm: We are cleaning up french fries, that Ruby is desperately trying to scoff down, that were dumped on the living room rug, "Because Ruby likes french fries!"


2:12 pm: Mr. Schmitty is bathing the pooch because, "Look Mama, I finger painted Ruby with the ketchup!"


2:13 pm: I am striping down my little Picasso because her new, cute, pink skort and top looks like she hemorrhaged in it. She also needs to get into the tub, for the second time today, because her arms are completely smeared with the remainder of the ketchup, "Just like sunblock!"


2:21 pm: I take a clean R. out of the tub and wrap her in a towel. She begins fighting me as I try to put on her clean clothes.

2:27 pm: I give up the fight and tell her to put on her own damn clothes.

2:29 pm: I leave the room, yet again, for only moments so I can try to save her outfit. I throw the outfit into the washing machine and return to the living room. The room is vacant, the clean clothes are in a heap on the floor.

2:32 pm: I begin the search.

2:33 pm: I find a naked R. in the upstairs bathroom, she is laughing hysterically. She is sitting in a pile of this:


2:34 pm: I begin talking to myself and wonder if I should begin drinking even though it's before 5:00 pm.

2:37 pm: I practically pin R. to the floor and as I get pummeled with fists and feet, I manage to get her dressed.

2:45 pm: I hand off the devil child to Mr. Schmitty, give him a kiss on the cheek, and apologize.

2:46 pm: I leave the room and hide in my cave office.

2:49 pm: I begin searching Google. I make a great discovery. I'm seriously considering an investment into these Papoose Boards. Look, they have sizes for all the Schmitty kids! The day may not be a total loss.



2:50 pm: Yes Spongebob, it just may be "The Best Day Ever!" after all.