Shakin' It For Shrek!

I was lying down for a bit yesterday because my grass and tree allergies basically rendered me a sniveling, useless lump of a woman. After practically breaking down my bedroom door, R. jumped in my bed for a snuggle. God forbid mommy get any alone time, but she's a good one to snuggle with so I really didn't mind.

"Mama, what do fishies eat?"

As I said, I'm feeling lousy and not really up for 20 questions. I reply, "Fishy food."

"Oh. What do seahorsies eat?"

"Seashorsy food", I sniffle, sneeze, and blow my red, sore nose.

"Oh. Whaaaaaat dooooo, hmmmm, lions eat?"

"Little girls named R.", because you know I love to mess with my kid's minds and I really want to just close my eyes at this point.

"Oh, mama, you're so silly. Really, what do they eat?"

"They eat antelopes and stuff", I say, with a little cringe hoping she doesn't start wanting details.

She just looked at me for a moment and then yelled, "I LOVE cantaloupe too!"

Satisfied with the conversation, she cuddled up next to me in the bed. I closed my eyes and then heard something strange. It was the most annoying sound. I opened one eye and saw the new Shrek baby toy she had gotten from McDonald's. Have your kids gotten one yet? When you push the button it breaks wind and then giggles. It's face is even painted to look like it's squeaking one out. I thought it was funny when I first saw it but now it's grinding on my last nerve.

The whole Shrek The Third advertising campaign is nuts! Now, I love Shrek as much as anybody and I couldn't wait to take the kids to see the movie. But besides the gazillion commercials and toys, the face of Shrek, Donkey, and Puss In Boots is plastered everywhere. McDonalds has them on the Happy Meals, on glasses, on the milk jugs, and even the straws are green!

I went food shopping the other day and needed blinders for T. and R. because every aisle we entered was the same. "Mommy, can we get that cereal? Shrek is on it!" and "Mommy look I love those waffles because look, it's Donkey!" I was waiting to find Puss In Boots on a box of Tampax tampons!

R. started freaking out when I said no to buying Cheetos with Shrek's mug on them. They turn your tongue green when you eat them! THEY.TURN.YOUR.TONGUE.GREEN! I drew the line, because that just can't be healthy. And really, it's kind of gross.

She said she would do the booty dance for me if I bought them. R. has a little dance she does now that is hilarious. She shakes her butt back and forth slowly and squats up and down while doing it. I keep telling Mr. Schmitty I am going to buy her a stripper pole. Needless to say, he doesn't find it amusing. She and I settled on a kiss for a bag of Shrek M&M's, not to worry honey, nobody in town saw her shake her groove thang!