Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Feeling emotionally drained

W. had a MAJOR meltdown last night. And I lost my cool. W. has always been extremely strong willed. He also can be very self-centered and selfish. I hate using those words to describe my normally sweet boy, but sadly, it's true. I love him with all of my being, I just can't deal when those traits bubble to the surface. I know it's part of the age. I know it's probably because for 4 1/2 years he WAS the center of our universe. But it's been 4 years since he's had to share the spotlight. He needs to accept it. He can't seem to.

As you know, yesterday was Mr. Schmitty's birthday. I put together a nice dinner, I even secretly invited my mother-in-law and sister-in-law over to surprise him. That I know is WHY the antics began. Attention. W. craves it, constantly. All through dinner he needed to be reminded to cool it. He was showing no manners and at times was being really rude. Even though it's bad attention, W. is getting attention, and that's what he's after. What makes matters worse is that every time I did speak to him, I would get "the look" from my mother-in-law. I laugh because this is the woman who used to whack Mr. Schmitty with a wooden spoon for acting up. Though I'm sure he did deserve it. But "the look" from her because I was being stern with HER grandchild was not exactly helpful. I tried to ignore it.

After cake Mr. Schmitty opened his presents and W. kept grabbing at things and was basically trying to make everything about him. My temperature was rising. The younger two sat and happily watched their father. The oldest who, should know better, caused a scene. It was embarrassing.

When that was done, I asked the boys to run upstairs and get ready for bed before returning to say good-bye to their grandmother and aunt. T. ran right up, W. told me, "NO!" I asked again, nicely, but sternly. "NO!" I see it coming, I've dealt with his meltdowns a hundred times in his life. He hasn't had one in a long time, thankfully, because they are not fun by any means. I had to actually chase him up the stairs, in front of my in-laws. I won't go into the details of the next 45 minutes. It wasn't pretty. He screamed, he kicked, he threw things, he yelled mean things to me. It sucked.

Today, is another day, he woke up like nothing ever happened. He hugged me and assured me he understood his punishment for his behavior. He has lost all of the privileges he loves so much until he earns them back. He seems to understand. Let's see if he can rise to the occasion. All I know is that today, I'm just drained. His meltdowns are something that have always left me emotionally exhausted the next day. I just hope it's the last one I'll see for a very long time.


Anonymous said...

Big hugs to you. I understand that negative attention thing every now and again with my nephew, who is 11. I'm sure it IS draining.

I've heard some stories from my hubby (and his siblings) about how his mother disciplined years ago. And now, when Hubby disciplines OUR children, HER grandchildren, we get looks... comments on how strict he (we) are. Strikes me as odd as well. You almost want to turn to her and say, "hey, this isn't bad, remember x, y and z?"

And about gluten. My mother-in-law has celiac, and we are constantly faced with her gluten-free meals. I can even whip up some of my own for her, on occasion! What a good (kiss-ass) daughter-in-law I am!

Don't be too hard on yourself. Us parents know that every age brings it's own difficult roadblocks. You'll guide him through this time fine, I'm sure. xoxo

The Green Family said...

I know how you feel...we all do. My son, Nick (our middle child) is the same way sometimes. Especially when company is over. Why do kids always need an audience for their worst behavior?
One second grumpy and hateful...the next second loving and apologetic.
I try not to lose my cool (although I don't always succeed)...because then he somehow feels justified in his actions.

Be blessed

Mrs. Schmitty said...

Thanks ladies for your comments. I know he'll grow out of it, at least I hope so! :) I so appreciate your words of encouragement. I have to tell you this is definitely the hardest job I've ever had!

Zephra said...

I will lend my support too/ I have a 10 year old daughter that is a constant source of frustration. ADHD takes a toll. I find it hard sometimes to remember and just want to loose it. She is my test from God. She will have a few good weeks and then it is like a switch is turned on and she goes into pain in the butt mode. We just have to drag ourselves through those moments and wait for the sun to shine again.

Rootietoot said...

He'll get better. When he gets a little autonomy (like, 15 or so), and you can do heinous things like taking away the car keys if he misbehaves...yeah. He'll get better.